Ten Goofiest Plot Points of the First Ten Issues of the Fantastic Four

As today is April Fool's Day, I thought it'd be nice to have a little fun, and the topic of fun I came up with was to find the ten goofiest plot points from the first ten issues of the Fantastic Four. Please note that it is a given that the comics were meant to be read by mainly a young audience, and it CERTAINLY was not expected that more than forty years later, people would still be reading these stories, so there is no maliciousness meant here. Most of these issues are classics. That doesn't mean that there aren't some pretty goofy plot points in the first ten issues. Let the countdown begin!!

10. Namor Weinstein?!

I will admit, I don't have that much of a problem with Namor as a movie producer, from Fantastic Four #9, but still, it IS pretty goofy.




9. Radar Eyes?!!?

Not as goofy, though, as the scene later in the same issue, where we learn that Namor has...oh lord...RADAR EYES!!



Luckily, this power has not been used much over the years.

8. Sue the Ball-buster

Greg already shared this nugget from Fantastic Four #1 with us awhile back, but it is too goofy to not include on the list.



Not only does she manage to sneak in a Commie shot, but she also gets to razz Ben!! Beautiful!

7. A Bit Forward On His Part

In #4, as the Fantastic Four where searching for Johnny Storm, who had (ahem) stormed off at the end of #3, Reed thought a motorcyclist might know where Johnny was. However, rather than waiting to ask them when they stopped, Reed had a better idea.



6. Luckily, there wasn't a war on at the time.

In Fantastic Four #2, the Skrulls convince everyone that the Fantastic Four are bad guys, so the Army locks them up.

Remember that the Army KNOWS who they have locked up.

They KNOW that Sue is the Invisible Girl.

And yet, when they open her cell door...



Yes, they thought that the Invisible Girl must have just vanished or something.

Dummies!

5. Cousins, Identical Cousins

This is another plot point that has not really been used since it was first mentioned.

The Puppet Master once had his daughter, Alicia Masters, inflitrate the Fantastic Four with a wig to make her look like Sue.



Sure, she apparently looked a lot like Sue, but it is still embarrassing that this disguise worked - not only wasn't she Sue, she was BLIND!!!

4. What's up with THAT?

My pal Kurt Mitchell first pointed this out awhile back, and it is still pretty funny.

Check out the cover of Fantastic Four #1.



Okay, so, well, WHO TIED REED UP?!?!



One of life's goofy mysteries, eh?

3. Sure, sooo simple.

In Fantastic Four #2, when the Skrulls pretend to be the FF, they also had to mimic their powers. This explanation as to how EASY it was to mimic the Human Torch always struck me as quite hilarious.



Yeah....that was TOO easy! A child could do it!

2. Dumb Skrulls

The whole plot of convincing an alien race that the planet is tougher than they think is a standard plot. Nothing goofy about it.

However, using pages you cut out of comic books?!!?



The only thing goofier is that it WORKED! The Skrulls can build ships capable of interstellar travel, but can't tell that they're looking at DRAWINGS?!!

How did the Kree NOT win that war?!

1. Lucky Day!

This, though, has to be the goofiest panel in FF history. From the classic issue #5, where the group meets Doctor Doom for the first time, Reed, Ben and Johnny go back in time...but what to do for disguises?!?



They need costumes, and they just so happen to come across...

Two pirates.

Fighting over a large bundle of stolen clothes.

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Stan Lee really gave that one a LOT of thought!!

Anyhow, that's the top ten! Feel free to quibble, or to offer your choices!

And Happy April Fool's Day!!

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Guest Entry - "Civil War" is all Superman's fault.

No, really. Marvel's massive crossover that is going to cost me a ton of money is all the fault of DC's seminal superhero. Kal El's hands are covered with the blood of the New Warriors. And I can prove it.

If you haven't been paying attention, the basic premise of "Civil War" is that the government wants to register and control the Marvel superheroes. This causes a schism between the heroes, and there will be much punching and hitting and zapping and snikting and minor characters dying and thwipping in an event that is an allegory for civil rights and will change the Marvel Universe forever!!! Or at least that's what the marketing copy says.



The fatal flaw in the story is that unlicensed, unsanctioned vigilantes should have never been legal to begin with. J. Jonah Jameson and Henry Gyrich were right all along. The Fantastic Four should have been arrested day one for stealing a rocket ship. While I'm not a big city lawyer, I have no idea how any prosecutor got charges against a supervillain to stick, when the only real evidence against them was a note from your friendly neighborhood wallcrawler saying they did a bad, bad thing. I can only imagine the charges your average hood could level against Thor for beating them with a giant stone hammer. And that's not even counting the countless FAA violations whenever Iron Man flies. I don't think I've ever seen Tony Stark file a flight plan.

Now, we could just blame Stan Lee for not planning on a bunch of cynical readers who probably should have stopped reading comics when they discovered girls figuring out the flaws in his sandbox some 40 years later. We could, but we'd be wrong. It's all Superman's fault.

When Superman first appeared in 1938, he was something of a super-badass rebel. Whether it was tossing gangsters in front of bullets or beating the snot out of spousal abusers, early Superman was about as far from an establishment tool as you could get. The law didn't apply to him. He was Superman! What were you going to do to stop him? The guy psychologically tortured weapons manufacturers by forcing them into the trenches of WWII and hounding them to the point of near death! And the cops treated him like he was: a vigilante. They even shot at him in the early days.



Sadly, Superman's edge didn't last. It wasn't too long before he was wrapping up criminals for the police, when he wasn't psychologically and physically torturing Lois, Lana and Jimmy. He became a tool of the establishment, along with becoming a world class sadist. And somehow, the cops stopped caring that he was doing their job for them, and the courts stopped caring that Prankster and Toyman were victims of super-vigilantism.



And because Superman is Superman, every other hero followed suit. Dark, urban avengers started cooperating with the police and working with kids in short pants. Fish men bent on conquering the surface world stopped flooding Africa to drown flaming androids and started punching out Nazis. All of which leads to "Civil War."

So don't blame Millar, Bendis, or Quesada.

Blame Superman.

Jeremy Goldstone's first real job was as an intern for Malibu Comics. Now, after a career of writing, editing and public relations, he needs a job. Hire him, damn it!!! Please contact him at stonegold@earthlink.net

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Comic Book Urban Legends Revealed #44!

This is the forty-fourth in a series of examinations of comic book urban legends and whether they are true or false. Click here for an archive of the previous forty-three.

Let's begin!

COMIC URBAN LEGEND: The original ending of Marvel vs. DC involved the two companies swapping two characters, but this ending was changed due to external pressure.

STATUS: False

A lot of folks have mentioned this rumor since I've been doing this (by a lot, I mean, like, four), but the first one to put it into the comments was John DiBello, whose excellent blog is located here.

John asked,

At the end of DC versus Marvel (aka Marvel versus DC, there was a rumor that one Marvel character was to be stranded in the DC Universe and vice versa, and the other company would have that character to play with in their universe for a year (the way I heard it, the hook was on his foot, no, no, I mean it was to be Daredevil and Catwoman). Truth? If so, what happened?

Well, here is Mike Carlin, editor of the original project (from DC's side - Mark Gruenwald edited Marvel's half of the project, with Peter David and Ron Marz handling the writing chores), on the topic:

Swapping a character each WAS discussed early on in the proceedings... but before we even homed in on specific characters to try to do this with, we decided that the legal department headaches (not just for issues the characters appeared in-- but for any reprints for all time) would not be worth it.

Wasn't the lawyers or higher-ups... [it] was Gruenwald and I... with Peter David and Ron Marz as the writers.

So that is, how they say, that.

COMIC URBAN LEGEND: Almost all the Inner Circle of the Hellfire Club were based on famous actors, both visually and titularly

STATUS: True

In 1966, the popular British television series, The Avengers, aired an episode titled "A Touch of Brimstone." The episode featured what was basically a modern-day version of the Hellfire Club (an exclusive British club from the 18th century that was rumored to engage in all sorts of crazy debachaury and orgiastic rituals), and during the investigation, Emma Peel was drugged and forced into dressing up as the Queen of Sin.



As you can tell from the photo, the episode was quite racy for the time, and the episode had to be edited to appear on British television, and was barred from America television at the time.

Well, when Chris Claremont and John Byrne were writing the X-Men together, and coming up with ways of "darkening" Phoenix, they decided to introduce the Hellfire Club, and used that episode of the Avengers as inspiration (Emma Peel being forced into dressing up as the Queen of Sin is quite similar to Jean Grey being "forced" by Mastermind into becoming the Black Queen).



Here's Byrne on the topic, from his forum,

I first encountered Peter Wyngarde, as an actor, on the Avengers episode "A Touch of Brimstone", which dealt with Steed and Emma having an encounter with the Hellfire Club. Later he turned up on a British series called Department S, and its spin-off Jason King (the name of his character). When Chris Claremont decided he wanted to do a Hellfire club arc in UNCANNY X-MEN (he had just seen the above mentioned Avengers episode) as part of the "darkening" of Phoenix, I suggested the "in-joke" of having Mastermind, in his disguised form, resemble Peter Wyngarde and, mixing character and actor, that his name be Jason Wyngarde. (Chris seemed to have some small problem remembering if this was supposed to be Mastermind's real name, or one MM had made up. It is refered to both ways in the story arc.)

Here is Jason Wyngarde from the comic matched with Peter Wyngarde as Jason King, the Department S spin-off (and, remember, Wyngarde also appeared in the initial A Touch of Brimstone episode, as the villain).



Since he was already using a real actor for the inspiration of ONE of the Hellfire Club member, Byrne decided to use real actors for the other Hellfire members (and, in addition, Emma Frost likely got her first name from Emma Peel).

Sebastian Shaw = Robert Shaw



Donald Pierce = Donald Sutherland (and the last name Pierce, from Sutherland's turn as Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H)



Orson Welles = Harry Leland (Harry from Welles' turn as Harry Lime, and Leland from the character Jed Leland in Welles' classic Citizen Kane)



Neat, eh? Thanks to wikipedia for the exact homages.

COMIC URBAN LEGEND: Fred Hembeck Destroys the Marvel Universe was held back for five years because of Justice League of America vs. The Avengers.

STATUS: Essentially, True

Few comic book one-shots have gone through as many iterations as the comic book project that eventually resulted in 1989's release of Fred Hembeck Destroys the Marvel Universe.



Originally, the project (which was to follow up Fred's successful "Fantastic Four Roast" for the FF's 20th Anniversary) was to be released soon after, in 1984. Here is Fred's own account of what went wrong,

Mulling over possible concepts on the phone one afternoon, Jim Shooter and I independently but simultaneously came up with the same idea. Actually, he was the first one to say it out loud-it had crossed my mind, but I was afraid it might be a bit too tacky to bring up. Y'see, way back when, news leaked out slowly, there being no Internet to dispense the latest scoops-or rumors-in the rapid manner we've all become accustomed to these days.

Everyone in the field looked to Cat Yronwode's "Fit to Print" column in "The Buyer's Guide To Comics Fandom" weekly paper for the up to the minute headlines, and when she came out with a startling set of accusations from Doug Moench, a long tenured but now departing Marvel writer, she soon had most of comics Fandom up in arms. The unhappy Mr. Moench alluded to some radical plans about to be set in motion by head ed Shooter : the destruction of the Norse Gods Asgard home, a replacement inside the Iron Man armor, a revamped Fantastic Four lineup, a new look for Spider-Man -- in short, the kinda stuff that would get a dyed-in-the-wool comics geek's knickers in a twist!?! And being one at the time, I could certainly sympathize with the angst everyone from Cat on down felt. We'd all grown up-or, at least, grown OLDER-with these characters, and we certainly didn't cotton to the idea of someone coming in, trashing Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Steve Ditko's creations and remaking the Marvel Universe in their own image.

Sensing the mounting outrage, Shooter was quick to issue a series of denials, pretty much laying the blame for the uproar on the misinterpretations of some previous discussions by a now disgruntled ex-employee, Mr. Moench. The so-called "Big Bang"? Wasn't gonna happen, Big Jim assured me, and here he was, offering me more work. I wasn't gonna broach the subject, but when he himself suggested I spoof the brouhaha over his supposed scheme to destroy the Marvel Universe, well, it sounded too good to pass up. If only...

(Oh, and for those of you totally unfamiliar with the situation, guess what? Everything that was reported to happen eventually did happen, just maybe not as soon as it would originally have had word not leaked out. Thus, a trend of radically rewriting comics history was established, and most older fans have become so inured to the revamping their childhood icons have had to endure over the past two decades that most can't muster up enough energy to care, myself definitely included. But in 1983 the idea was so outrageous that it merited an all out spoof...)

Time to talk specifics with my employers. The F.F.ROAST was 32 pages with no ads, but aside from scribbling in good ol' Fred on the various pages, I only got to pencil the covers. Howsabout we make this new tome a 48 pager-no ads, of course-and I get to pencil it as well as write it? Let's try and get Terry Austin to ink it-after all, he is the best there is and he did a splendid job embellishing the wraparound cover of the ROAST? Jim agreed. Wonderful. And howsabout we call it what it is, JIM SHOOTER DESTROYS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE? On this point, Jim was a bit tentative, but he went along with me, at least for the time being. By our next conversation, though, he respectively explained why he had to decline title character status: his bosses told him to. Seems they felt that, as a Marvel executive, it would somehow be bad form for him to plaster his name across the top of a Marvel comic. He could still be an integral part of the storyline-the star, even-but we had to find another moniker to attach to the title. Hmm? What to do? YOU'RE a comics character, Fred-howsabout we call the book FRED HEMBECK DESTROYS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE? So sayeth Jim-and who am I to argue with the head honcho of Marvel Comics? And besides, if you haven't picked up on it by now, I can be a bit of a ham. So, after a few mild protestations-false modesty is a hard habit to break, y'understand-I acceded to popular (?) demand and took the mantle of mayhem upon my head. Who knew the headaches that lay ahead?...

Despite the billing, it was always my intention merely to play a supporting role in the newly christened FH/MU. As I plotted it, about half of my 48 pagers would be taken up by a framing story that would concern itself with the circumstances under which editor-in-chief Jim Shooter would hire me, freelance cartoonist Fred Hembeck, to destroy the Marvel Universe for him. This portion of the tale was a hoot to come up with, and flowed out quick and easy. I opted against any sort of true representation of the Marvel Bullpen, instead inventing three fictitious foils for Shooter, the suspiciously named Bruce, Clark and Diana. The meat of the book, the selling point of the whole project, the deaths of the Marvel multitudes was another thing altogether. The object was to kill as many characters as I could, all in as funny a way as possible. While it seemed like a good idea while yacking on the phone with Jim, when I actually sat down to perform the task as clearly spelled out in the previous sentence, I realized just how contradictory the concept was!

Laughs! Death! More laughs! And more death! Hey, I have as much an appreciation for so-called black humor as anyone, but that doesn't mean I can produce it. Still, I took this job on, and I was gonna see it through. So, I wrote up a plot-the office antics highly detailed, the dying laffing section far more sketchy-and sent it in for my star's approval. Which I received. Remember that. It'll be important later…

Okay, okay, I won't keep you in suspense-I wasn't the one the one that was doomed, the book was. Y'see, while Shooter himself had guided the F.F. ROAST, by the time I'd turned in all 48 pages of FH/MU (plus 4 covers, inside and out), he'd become to busy to shepherd this project to completion. So, he told me he was turning it over to another editor, Larry Hama. That was the last time we would speak about FH/MU. Now it was Larry's baby-and if it hadn't already been born, metaphorically speaking, I'm sure he would've aborted it...[Hembeck then discusses a great deal of problems that occured with the production of the comic, mainly some tragic events in his life and some inking snafus due to some communication issues with Larry Hama, but the comic is now ready to go!]

But, as they say in those newspaper movies on late night TV, "Hold the presses!"...

Remember that framing story? The one starring Shooter? Well, as Larry informed me in a frantic phone call, Jim had finally gotten around to reading it and he was very disturbed about something he'd found in it. Specifically, the reason I gave toward the tale's conclusion regarding cartoon Jim's motivation for wanting to destroy the Marvel Universe. While never coming out and naming names, I allude to Jim being planted at Marvel as a sort of sleeper agent by his old mentor, the man who first hired him to write comic books when he was a mere teenager from Pittsburgh, Superman's editor at DC Comics, Mort Weisinger. It was all in good fun, and was in fact a key point included in my original proposal, but here was Larry being called on the carpet for letting such a potentially libelous suggestion get by. I assured him this plot point was there from the get go, and he soon located my initial notes and could see for himself that I was once again in the right. I remember him commenting that we'd somehow ironically wound up on the same side of an argument, but it did us little good. Unless we changed the ending, Marvel refused to release the book. What happened? I'll never know for sure, but my best guess is that AVENGERS VS. JLA happened. Or rather, didn't...

Commencing with the SUPERMAN VS.SPIDER-MAN edition in the mid-seventies, Marvel and DC Comics had successfully published a handful of joint ventures, all relatively trouble free-until they decided to match up the premier super-teams of each company. Too many people wanted control, company politics became involved, and the whole thing became one great big ugly mess. George Perez was stuck with a score of pencilled pages that'd never be published, since this even more highly anticipated project (imagine!) was ignominiously yanked from the schedule too!! When I submitted my original plot, the two companies were buddy-buddy. By the time Jim had a make-ready in his hands, the two comics corporations were at war. YOU figure out what happened. Sigh...



A few years later, somebody got the bright idea to assign Jim Salicrup the task of rescuing FH/MU from limbo. An excellent notion, seeing as how Jim and I had already worked for years on MARVEL AGE MAGAZINE. As it's editor, he enlisted me to provide a monthly two page feature, an assignment that eventually lasted over 100 issues. No disrespect to Larry, but Salicrup and I were a simpatico team. When he proposed we give it another shot, I really didn't know where to go with it, but somehow just putting our two heads together sparked some new solutions to old problems; i.e., what to do about cartoon Shooter's motivation?

At this late date, I have no clue as to who first suggested it, but it occurred to us that we could get some laughs by playing off Jim's excessive height, a characteristic known well to industry folk and Marvel readers of the day alike. What if he had a twin, an evil twin, a jealous evil twin, a jealous evil twin who resented Jim because he was shorter than his brother, a whole half inch shorter, and who had to go through life being mocked as Tiny Tim Shooter?? That's it! We had our new ending! Of course, to properly set it up, several early pages would need to be at least partially changed, but in all, less than half a dozen of the original pages would have to be modified. I'd lose my cute inside joke ending, but I rather liked this one as well, so all in all, I was pleased. I drew up the new stuff, Vinny inked it on his lunch hour, and we were all set to go.

Then disaster struck-Marvel Comics Destroyed Jim Shooter!! Yup, they fired the big fella. The likelihood of them publishing a book starring their now ex-employee? Like I said earlier, YOU figure it out...

That was it as far as I was concerned. The book was never coming out. I resigned myself to fielding questions about it's non-appearance at comics conventions for the rest of my life (maybe not such a bad thing-after all, look at the revered stature the Beach Boys "Smile" disc has attained while having never actually been released. Fans would just think the world of this piece of unattainable Marvel ephemera, especially if they couldn't actually see it!). Then new ed-in-chief Tom DeFalco spoiled THAT little fantasy by ordering Salicrup to take another pass at it. How would such a thing be possible, you ask?

Simple-we reduce the book from 48 pages to the more standard 32, cut out the framing sequence and just keep the blood, gore and gags (actually, there was no actual blood and gore, but you get what I'm saying). By utilizing the inside front and back covers, that left us 7 pages to devise an entirely NEW framing sequence, one depicting yours truly down on his luck, haunting back alleys, and being grilled mercilessly by the Punisher (a VERY hot item at the time) as to the story behind this by now somewhat mythical destruction of the Marvel Universe book. I allude to as many of the old jokes as I can salvage, add a few new twists, and voila! Marvel finally has a book they're willing to publish! (oh yeah-I should mention that the newest of the new pages were inked, at my request, by my friend and neighbor, Joe Staton, and very nicely, too.

FH/MU was released in the summer of 1989. It's been my everlasting regret that my favorite part of the whole crazy thing would never be seen. Oh, there's a couple of bits in the happy death section that I like, specifically Ant-Man in the microwave oven, the Kingpin and the Juggernaut in the canoes, and my salute to Jack Benny and Mel Blanc via the Daredevil sequence, but although I feel the rest of it reads okay, it's just not full of the massive yuk-yuks, y'know?

So, here is the page that really caused the most fuss - the Weisinger sequence, courtesy of Fred's excellent site, www.hembeck.com (click on the image to enlarge it).



Thanks also to Fred for suggesting this tale!!

Well, that's it for this week, thanks for stopping by!

Feel free to drop off any urban legends you'd like to see featured!!

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What I bought - 29 March 2006

By the way, Brad - All-Star Superman came out this week. Just thought you'd like to know. Visit a comic book store occasionally, why don't you? Sheesh.

I should mention that I've been a contributor here for a little over a year, and it's still fun. I'd just like to thank our Great and Terrible Overlord for visiting my teeny-tiny blog and thinking I had some merit. Of course, if I didn't thank him occasionally, he'd find me over the ether of cyberspace somehow and rip my heart right out of my chest and then laugh as it caught on fire, just like that dude in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom! So thanks to all of you out there reading this, and I'll keep trying to piss you off (that was a good day, wasn't it?). It's the least I can do!

Slow week, in that I bought less than double-digits in floppies. That's sad when that's a slow week. But it's the fifth week of the month, so I won't complain. According to the dude at my comic shoppe, next week is HUGE. So it looks like I'll be back in the support group next week.

Fallen Angel #4 by Peter David and J.K. Woodward
$3.99, IDW

I am, as usual, running out of things to say about books I really, really like. Fallen Angel falls (so to speak) into that category. We finally find out why Lee fell, and although I was hoping against hope that it was because God made her the guardian angel of the dude that killed Holly (how cool would that have been?) it's still a powerful scene, even though we kind of know what's coming. Meanwhile, Lee battles Malachi in the present and learns some things about the bargain that he offered her about getting back into Heaven. The book is zipping much faster than the DC series did (possibly because it was originally a five-issue mini-series), but it still gives us the good characterization and action that David is good at. And, of course, the issue of free will comes into it, as Malachi tells Lee she has to allow Jude to make his own decisions, even though it might hurt him, which ties back to Holly's decision to go with the stranger. Who would have guessed that would come up again?

This continues to be a good book. As for the art, I have read more than one place that it's not good. I happen to like it, but if anyone out there is reading this book and doesn't like the art, please tell me why. I'm curious.

Gødland #9 by Joe Casey and Tom Scioli
$2.99, Image

The glory that is Gødland continues with this issue, and it's one of those titles that just keeps getting better. This and ASS are examples (this week) of packing a lot of story into a limited space - good writers can do that! For instance, this month we get Adam Archer trying to come to terms with the Origin of the Universe that he learned last month, Neela taking off on her top-secret space mission, which requires setting off an EMP burst that knocks out all the machines in North America and knocks Adam, who is flying to Colorado to stop the launch after he learns about it from his other sisters, out of the sky and into a house, appropriately owned by the awesome Friedrich Nickelhead, who takes Adam prisoner. Meanwhile, Basil Discordia, with Basil's head and Discordia's body, has been delivered to the Tormentor's castle in "Luxembourg" (which, according to Basil, is in "eastern Europe"), where he is threatened with decapitation until he tells our Dr. Doom analogue that he can lead him to Friedrich. Who, as we now know, is currently holding Adam prisoner. See how it all fits? Meanwhile (I told you there was a lot going on!), Ed, Supra, and Eeg-oh, the three alien life forms that possessed the convicts last issue (or maybe the issue before), are out in the Arizonan desert (funny, it wasn't on the news here) testing their powers and blowing up Army helicopters. What fun!

As each issue has been, this is a wild ride. Casey and Scioli are obviously having a blast, and the book flies along like a roller coaster, and all we can do is fly along with it. I will keep telling you to buy it, people, until you bend to my will!

All-Star Superman #3 by The One To Whom We All Swear Eternal Fealty, Frank Quitely, and Jamie Grant
$2.99, DC

After last issue's disappointingly boring love chat between Superman and Lois, this is a fine return to form on the book. This is why Morrison can be the best comic book writer out there - it's certainly not his best work, but it shows all his strengths. We have the interesting and somewhat tawdry "heroes" Samson and Atlas, we have the Ultrasphinx Atom-Hotep and his radioactive necklace, we have the dinosaurs from the center of the earth - none of these things are terribly revolutionary, but Morrison has that way of making them real in the context of the comic with seemingly very little effort. All the stuff from last issue was nicely done, too, I just got bored with the story itself, and in this one, although it's moving slowly (nothing wrong with that), at least it moves. Therefore Samson the time-traveler knows that Superman is going to die, so he's putting the moves on Lois. However, the final page lets us know that Clark Kent wrote the article proclaiming Superman dead, so Morrison has something up his sleeve there. The annoyingly ubiquitous Tyrant Sun gets a mention, but I'll let that slide. What's interesting about Morrison is he sets up situations and gets his heroes out of them in unusual ways, such as the answer to the Ultrasphinx's riddle. He and Quitely are having a lot of fun showing just how casually powerful Superman is. He defeats Samson and Atlas at arm-wrestling without breaking much of a sweat, and Lois rhapsodizes about what it's like to be Superman. It's a nice little vignette.

As usual with a Morrison title, it's not perfect, because he gets a little carried away. Would Steven Lombard really say, "You tell me what a spaceman flying around in his underwear can give her that a good old hunk of prime American manhood can't?" Uh, no. And the chronomobile is one of those "mad ideas" that is just dumb. But these are minor objections. This is a fine book, and even though Superman hasn't really done much since the first few pages of issue #1, it's still giving us an interesting look at Superman.

Oh, what's that thing on Jimmy's arm on page 3? What is it?????

The Surrogates #5 (of 5) by Robert Venditti and Brett Weldele
$2.95, Top Shelf

This very good mini-series comes to a close, and I urge you to buy it in trade if it gets collected. Although it ends on a particularly and kind of incongruous depressing note, it's still a very good read. The mystery/action part of the book is certainly interesting (although it's not much of a mystery), but the real meat of the book is Harvey Greer's journey of discovery. When his surrogate is destroyed by Steeplejack, he decides to solve the case using his real body. This decision affects several things, including his relationship with his wife. He begins to question what is real and why people use surrogates in the first place, and he begins to sympathize with Steeplejack's campaign to destroy them. Zaire Powell, the prophet who preaches against the use of surrogates, also becomes a pawn in Steeplejack's little game. Of course, as the mass producer of the surrogates says, nothing will change if Steeplejack succeeds, but who's to say people won't return to "reality"? It's an interesting spiritual question, and this mini-series delves into the conundrum of man creating "life" and how far should science go much better than a lot of media out there. It's well worth checking out. But you know that, because I've been telling you for months!

Mini-series I bought but did not read.
Hysteria: One Man Gang #2 (of 4) by Mike Hawthorne
$2.99, Image

More hysteria. More grooviness. More empty calories. Even less protein!

Middleman Vol. 2 #2 (of 4) by Javier Grillo-Marxuach and Les McClaine
$2.95, Viper Comics

This is the sixth issue of this fine series to come out (four in the first mini-series, and two in this one), and I'm tired of telling you how funny it is. If a big fat Mexican wrestler on the cover doesn't do it for you, nothing will.

X-Statix Presents: Deadgirl #3 (of 5)

I assume it's still good. It looks fun.

That's it for this week. Just remember, kids: if you don't buy All-Star Superman you may displease the Great and Terrible Cronin! And you don't want that!

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And the "Worst Costume of 2006 Award" goes to...

... the All-New Atom.

Mein gott.

Of course, I don't know why we need a new Atom. It's not like the old one was doing anything.

Great googly-moogly! Groovy gobs of graphic goodness!

Joey Q. and his stupid policy notwithstanding, a lot of good graphic novels have come out recently. Not from Marvel, of course, but other companies, luckily, don't have the Q running them. The ones I bought recently are, with one exception, ones you should check out. Here are some brief reviews, in alphabetical order because I'm anal retentive.

Brownsville by Neil Kleid and Jake Allen. Published by Comicslit, an imprint of Nantier Beall Minoustchine Publishing, Inc. $18.95.

The high concept of Brownsville is "Jewish gangsters of the 1930s." We tend to think of gangsters as Italian, but in Brooklyn and parts of Manhattan in the 1930s the Jews ran things, and Kleid and Allen do a great job of bringing this forgotten world to life. They focus mainly on Albert Tannenbaum, who begins like a lot of youngsters, in awe of the riches and power of the local gangsters and is looking for a way to rebel against his father. He starts small, as usual, but eventually gets in tight with the gangsters and the bosses, including Louis Buchalter. The book is about his rise and fall, but also the rise and fall of organized crime in New York, as it spans the decade of the 1930s and shows the violence these men were willing to commit and the consequences of their actions.

It's not the most original idea, but it is interesting to see it from a Jewish perspective. The book is full of historical figures and what I can only assume is factual data, and Kleid keeps everything humming along, showing what these men do and how they eventually sell each other out. There is no honor here, only looking out for themselves, which is an interesting counterpoint to the myth of the Mob. Allie, especially, is a fascinating character, as he never quite seems to fit in with the gang, even when he's committing murder. He's very much a man who yearns for his father's approval, even after he rejects everything his father stands for. In the last act of the book, when he has been arrested and must choose whether to testify against his former employers, it is his family and the reminder that you can be someone in this world even if you're not rich and powerful that pushes him to his choice. It's an interesting arc for the character.

The art is stark and powerful. Each character looks vaguely the same, but Allen still manages to give them each a distinctive look. The cast is very big, and only once or twice did I have trouble keeping track of who was who based on what they looked like. After some initial confusion, it was easy to identify each person even though they were all dressed alike and were drawn in similar fashion. Allen evokes the time period very nicely, and the book (in black and white) is a pleasure to look at.

One of the few complaints I had about the book is its lack of Jewishness, for want of a better word. Very rarely does Kleid show how these gangsters were so different from Italians. It would have been interesting to see more of a contrast between the Catholic Mob and the Jewish one. He delves into it late in the book, and it made the characters even more interesting, so it was disappointing he didn't do it sooner. After all, we think of gangsters as good Catholics, getting their babies christened while their underlings gun down competitors, and although I wouldn't have wanted Kleid to dip into those sorts of clichés, it would have been nice to see the religious aspect of these men (if it existed) fleshed out a little more.

This is a fine book, and I hope someone at least tried to get it for free over at Jason's blog. If not, keep an eye out for it and pick it up. A very good read.

Cyclone Bill and the Tall Tales by Dan Dougherty. Published by Moonstone. $16.95.

This book is so astonishingly good for the first three-quarters that it's an even bigger shame that it goes a bit off the rails at the end - not enough to ruin it, but enough to make it a shame. I still recommend it highly, but it's just so strange how wrong it goes.

The story seems simple enough. Cyclone Bill and the Tall Tales are a band that burst onto the scene with a brilliant album, had some problems, reunited for a second album, and then, one night, Bill was shot and killed while he was on stage. The book begins with a documentary filmmaker, Maggie Bloom, at Graceland, where she has come to beg the ghost of Elvis to stop haunting her. Why is he haunting her? Ah, but that's part of the story, isn't it? She was hired by Bill's girlfriend to make a documentary about him, and she was filming the night he was killed. Bill's band shows up at Graceland as well to discover the truth about Bill's life and death. They watch the film Maggie has shot and slowly learn the story of Bill when they weren't around. Maggie, meanwhile, continues to be haunted.

It's a gripping premise, and the way it unfolds it done very nicely. It turns into a dense tale of betrayal and the quest for fame, and what each person in the story will do to attain it. The man on trial for Bill's murder, Oscar Burden, is a rival artist, but his "band," such as it is, consists of fans who audition constantly depending on what city he's in. He is trying to break down the walls of celebrity, the walls that separate artist from audience, but in the process he becomes a huge celebrity - and steals Bill's girlfriend Rhoda. Each person in the book loses some part of themselves to gain fame, and the implications of this are often front and center in the book, in a way that rises above cliché, which is nice. The ghost story is creepy, too - Maggie isn't sure if she's insane or if she's actually being haunted. Meanwhile, her yearning for Bill's girlfriend complicates both her own sense of self and her relationships with the band. The story, with the presence of Elvis always near, gets under your skin and twists you up - it could easily come apart, but it doesn't.

Until the end, that is. I'm not going to go into it, because I don't want to spoil how the murder trial turns out or how Bill's, and Rhoda's, and Maggie's, and Oscar's quests for fame resolve, but let's just say everything gets a bit too literal. A clue is provided by the cover, but that's all I'm going to say. It's disappointing because it was such a nice psychological drama, and it feels like Dougherty takes the easy way out. Oh well - he wouldn't be the first.

The art is very good - rough and tumble, like rock itself, but the scenes that need to be different - like the creepy ones - convey that sense well. Ironically, the art really shines in the last section, when the story comes apart a bit. Overall, it's a good-looking book.

I definitely recommend this book if you can hunt it down. You may not even mind the ending. I don't even really mind the ending, I just thought it wasn't as good as the rest of the book. But it's certainly worth checking out.

Top 10: The Forty-Niners by Alan Moore and Gene Ha. Published by America's Best Comics. $24.99.

This is coming out (or just came out?) in softcover, so if you don't want to pony up 25 dollars for it, get it in that format. I'm not going to say a lot about this, because it's been out for a while, a lot of other people have said a lot about it, and it's Alan Moore and Gene Ha, so you can guess it's pretty good. That being said, I wonder if this is not as good as it could be, because Moore and Ha like being cute too much with it. It's a good read, and I actually like it more than Top 10 the series, because as much as I enjoyed that (I'm conflicted, so sue me), that was definitely a bit too cutesy for me. By "cutesy" I mean "seeing how many comic characters we can squeeze into the book and make everyone laugh." I don't know much about past comic characters, and I don't have Moore's obsessive memory about everything I've ever seen or read, so it annoyed me, especially because sometimes (not always, but sometimes) the main story was pushed aside for the wallowing in cutesiness. This reins that in a bit, but it's still there, and I just wonder if the slavish love that was dropped on this book was because nerds everywhere were impressed with their arcane knowledge of who is strolling by in the background.

Which is a shame, because this is a nice story about the beginnings of Neopolis and the discrimination that exists against "science heroes" (as well as more mundane minorities like homosexuals) and the government's policy toward Nazi scientists captured at the end of the war. It's a good story, and it's beautifully illustrated by Ha. His work on the series was good, but he obviously had more time to do this, and it shows.

It's a good book, and worth your while, but I wonder if it was voted best original graphic novel by the bloggers in Chris Tamarri's poll because it was the only OGN most people read last year. I wonder.

The Nightmarist by Duncan Rouleau. Published by Active Images. $14.99.

The Nightmarist is truly a weird and wonderfully bizarre book. I knew Rouleau only from his stint on Wildcats 3.0, and although I liked his art well enough on that book, it's nothing compared to what he unleashes on this. This is a hard book to read, because it's crowded with images and dense with text on some pages, but it's definitely worth your while. It's hard to describe, but I'll give it a go:

Beth Sorrensen is a young woman who has bad dreams. Nothing shocking there, but we learn that her father was an artist who committed suicide, which naturally causes her some problems, and she's seeing a doctor to work out her issues. She quickly realizes that there is something unusual about her dreams - she is being visited by a weird figure who calls himself the Nightmarist, and her dreams are starting to visit her when she's awake. The Nightmarist tells her that he is an agent of the Ministry of Dreams, which guards people when they sleep from being taken over by the Arbus, demon-like creatures who turn their victims insane and cause them to commit all sorts of horrible acts. In all this, Beth might just be the savior of mankind. She, of course, wants nothing to do with it, and she can't defeat the Arbus until she (wait for it!) defeats her own personal demons!

It's a very creepy book that examines the nature of reality, how much our dreams and nightmares really influence us, how we can make the world a better place, and how the past always intrudes on the present. The art is beautiful, as Rouleau uses drawings and various media to put together a true nightmare world. Although we're quite sure that Beth is actually experiencing these things and isn't insane, like everyone keeps telling her, Rouleau does a nice job of keeping that option open, until we're questioning our beliefs just for the sake of questioning them. As a "horror" book, it's much more concerned with the horror in our mind, and so although there are scenes where Beth is cut open and lying on an operating table (in her dream, that is), the horror is much more subtle and unsettling. The one problem I have is (as is often the case with comics) that Rouleau gives people an excuse for doing horrible things - "I was possessed!" It's not terribly egregious, but it bugs me when authors use that cop-out. I'm not exactly sure what he could have done differently, but like I said, it's not the worst thing in the world. It gives the people a chance to make a choice toward the end, so I guess that's okay.

This is a very different kind of book, and very nicely done. Seek it!

The Territory by Jamie Delano and David Lloyd. Published by Dark Horse. $14.95.

Delano and Lloyd's book came out in 1999, apparently, and was a four-issue series, so I guess it's not a true graphic novel, but it might as well be, seeing as how it's seven years later and it's collected as a nice book. So I'm going to count it!

Unfortunately, this is the weakest book of the lot, which is odd considering the talent involved. Actually, Delano's involvement is one of the reasons I don't like it - Delano has always been guilty of "overwriting" - he obviously believes that he's a lot more loquacious and erudite than he actually is, and it often gets in the way of a pretty good story (have you read World Without End?) In this book, he again gets in the way of the story, and it starts on the first page: "A foul wind ... cheap perfume masking putrefaction. A rotten corpse of dread rising, bloated, from the deep ... its swollen skin split by a lash of elemental light, releasing a slithering frenzy of horror." Sheesh, Jamie, give it a rest!

Like I said, it's a shame, because Lloyd's art is typically nice, and the story, when Delano isn't killing the momentum, is intriguing. A man washes up on a small rock in the middle of an ocean, and he doesn't know who he is. He's picked up pirates and tells them to call him Ishmael. They take him to a strange city where he has to fight for his survival. He sees a woman and becomes obsessed with her, but whenever he gets close to being with her, something happens and the world subtly changes on him. Meanwhile, everyone watches a boring and unfunny cartoon, and he can't understand why they're doing it.

It's a weird little mystery, and although the ending is slightly disappointing, it still fits in with the rest of the book and offers an explanation. Delano manages to throw Ishmael into some tough situations and he does a nice job with the story when he can control himself, which is only occasionally. Lloyd is a perfect artist for this, as he does a nice job with the strange, almost dreamy quality of the city and the world into which Ishmael is tossed. It's not a bad book, but it certainly could be better.

So there you have it - if you're not in the mood to buy monthlies all the time, and you want something a little meatier, check these out. I definitely recommend Brownsville, Cyclone Bill and the Tall Tales, and The Nightmarist, but the other two are certainly worth checking out. Graphic novels galore!

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And Then One Day - Passionately Publishing Comics

Ryan Claytor rose to the challenge I set out to all you mini-comic creators out there, and sent me #2-4 of his autobiographical series, And Then One Day. And I'm glad he did, as And Then One Day made for a very engaging, fun read. Although, missing #1, I was totally lost as to what was going on in the plot!

That was a joke, of course, as And Then One Day is a journal, with each page representing a different day in Claytor's life. #2-4 covers Fall 2004-Spring 2005. It is all very easy to understand, and in addition, very easy to relate to. Like Brandon Hanvey, there is a massive likability to Claytor's pieces. He may draw the mundane at times, but he makes the mundane feel anything but mundane. In addition, like Hanvey, Claytor uses a cartoonish yet expressive style.

Here's a sample piece where we see what I mean in the title of this piece where I refer to just how passionately Claytor takes comic books (okay, the phrase Passionately Produced is on the back cover of his comic, too)...



Neat, eh?

In addition, here is a sample where we can see more of a sequential art sample of Claytor's work, as well as some of the humor present in this series.



An interesting aspect of the series is how Claytor (once again, like Hanvey) is big on the book having an "All-Ages" vibe, which means very interesting takes on two breakups shown in the comic (which reminds me of a funny bit he does where he responds to a critic expressing surprise at how happy his life seems by doing a tale of woe soon after he breaks up with his girlfriend).

Going back to the "passionate" theme again, something that jumps out about And Then One Day is how Claytor has devoted so much time and energy into making the comic LOOK good, format-wise. He prints each issue on a colored velvet cover, has a very professional-looking merchandise page and even has a LETTERS COLUMN!

And Then One Day is currently on hold (although a longer version, done in more of a sketchbook format, will be coming out soon from Claytor) as Claytor continues grad school. Hopefully, when he finishes, though, we will see some more projects from him. Claytor's work basically gives the reader the same kind of fun that Tom Beland gives his readers, and that's the sort of comics we need more of - the good ones. And if you want ANOTHER opinion, none other than Josh Cotter (whose work I love, and you all should love, as well) thinks that Claytor and And Then One Day are awesome, so the only reason YOU should think OTHERWISE is if you are one of those contrarian types!

Don't be a contrarian type, go to Ryan's website here and order some of his comics!

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Entanglement - Simpler Than Tom Beland

Awhile back, Tom Beland had a chat at Comic Book Resources. The topic of how sometimes, descriptions of his work SOUND like insults, but really are not, came up, like how the idea of calling a work "precious" or "simplistic" is seen as an insult, when it is not intended to be one. Writer/Artist Brandon Hanvey stated, "I don't take offense when people call my work simple since that is what I'm going for."

Well, Brandon's latest release, Entanglement (which he was so kind as to send me a copy) is simpler than Tom Beland's True Story, Swear to God.

And that's a compliment.

Entanglement tells the story of two high school students, Riley and Petra, who come from different sides of town, but find themselves entangled with each other. Like Beland's work, the story is both soothing and charming, or as I like to say, choothing.

The best part of the book, by far, is Hanvey's art. It is cartoonish, while still conveying a good deal of emotion. I am quite fond of that particular style of artwork, and Hanvey is as good at that style as anyone. Here's a sample page from the book.



The plot of the book is just as simple as you might think - Riley and Petra travel in different circles, and their friends and family do not necessarily agree with them getting together.

Some of the plot is just soooo stupid that it rings true, like the whole idea of the "Art" kids hating the "Preppy" kids. Sooo stupid, but well, people are sometimes pretty stupid. Some of the other pieces of the plot don't work as well (I can't tell for sure if the scene of the dude chasing Riley on a moped is meant to be played for laughs or taken seriously. If it it the former, it works...but it really doesn't come across like the former), like the plot by Petra's ex-boyfriend along with Riley's sister. Seems a bit TOO afterschool special-y.

However, the charming nature of the book overcomes any plot obstacles, as Hanvey makes sure that we not only LIKE these characters, but that we are rooting for them to get together. A true sign of a good romantic comedy.

There are plenty of little character moments where, perhaps the dialogue is not the smoothest, but I think that is probably an accurate read by Hanvey, as let's be honesty, high school kids are not like on Dawson's Creek. So while the Riley/Petra discussion about how her friends only liked a band (the Stereos, Hanvey's last project, making a nice cameo in this project) when they weren't as good, but were more "indie" is not the smoothest, in terms of dialogue, it is EXACTLY the type of conversation people have in high school. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I am giving Brandon the benefit of the doubt, and presuming it was.

So, Entanglement features a charming story of two engaging characters who go through a familiar, yet interestingly told, courtship. Sounds like a winner to me! Honestly, I do not know why no independent studio has snatched Brandon up yet. Not only is the book fun to read, but it is quite marketable. So, you studios out there, what are you waiting for?!!?

Click here to see about purchasing a copy of Entanglement (and here for more sample pages)!

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A nagging thought about continuity in general and Identity Crisis in particular

I was re-reading Detective Comics #570 by the brilliant team of Mike W. Barr, Alan Davis, and Paul Neary, and it reminded me of why Identity Crisis and the subsequent history of the DC Universe is stupid.

Okay, so the JLA mind-wiped Dr. Light, right? Then they went off and mind-wiped a bunch of villains, Selina Kyle included, if Catwoman #50 is to be believed. And Batman knew about it. From a panel in Catwoman #50, it appears this mind-wiping of Selina took place when she was wearing the costume Jim Balent designed for her in her first solo series, meaning it was after Detective #570. I think we can all agree on that, right?

Why do I care? What does this have to do with Detective #570? Well, that issue is the one in which Dr. Moon mind-wipes Selina to turn her evil again. So, if we believe DC these days, during the mid-1980s, Selina became good of her own volition because she had the hots for yummy Bruce Wayne. Then, the Joker turns her evil again (he's the reason Dr. Moon does what he does). Then, while she's still evil, the JLA mind-wipes her again to make her good. Why didn't Bruce just turn on the hunky charm again? Why????

Yes, it doesn't matter, and it's all very stupid nerdy minutiae. But. As far as I know, DC has never acknowledged that Batman's history ended at some point and started again. You can make the case for "Year One" being the beginning of the new history of Batman, but wasn't that simply showing the earliest adventures of Batman? As far as I know (and again, I could be wrong), there has always been one and only one Selina Kyle. Therefore the Selina Kyle today is the same Selina Kyle who was brainwashed by the Joker and Dr. Moon in that classic issue.

Am I wrong? I know someone out there is far more geeky than I am (Cronin, are you there?).

Again, it doesn't matter in the long run. But this is what bugs me about continuity. DC and Marvel proclaim its immutability when it suits them, and ignore it when it doesn't. I would like them to get rid of it altogether, because it can never fit completely. This story about brainwashing Selina just makes Bruce look like even more of a tool than he does already. Wouldn't he have said - "She's already been brainwashed to be a bad guy, and it was horrible. I won't put her through it again"? I guess not - because he's a jerk. Good job, DC!

Okay, I'm through being a geek. For now.

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Cronin Theory of Comics - It Is a Lot Harder To Move From Another Media To Comics Than Is Given Credit

I did a bit on this in 2004 before I started doing the "Theory of Comics" shtick, so I thought it would be nice to rewrite it as a "Theory of Comics" bit. In any event, , I believe that, if you're a good writer, you're just a good writer, no matter what the genre is. However, I think people totally underestimate the difficulties of moving from one medium to another. For instance, we do not automatically think each good screenwriter will be a good novelist, do we? Or vice-versa. Yet there seems to be this belief WITHIN THE INDUSTRY ITSELF that any good writer from another medium can just come in and write a good comic book.

Which I do not think is the case.

The inspiration for this particular version is the writing of Reginald Hudlin. His first few issues of Black Panther, I believe, were pretty poor. Forgetting his use of Black Panther continuity (as it would not be sporting to judge him on that level), the stories themselves just weren't all that good. Not awful or anything, but not good. However, as he has progressed on the title, I believe that Hudlin's writing has greatly improved. It reminds me of Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, who I think had a bit of a problem adjusting to comic writing, but developed into one of the better mainstream comic book writers.

This belief that being a good TV/Film/Play writer means you will be a good comic book writer is just so silly, and almost makes me think of it as a self-esteem issue (if he's good enough to write for TV, he MUST be good enough to write for comics!!) of the industry.

The big difference, really, is that TV/Film/Plays have actors, and therefore, the writer can always depend on the actors to deliver tone and feeling. In a comic, it is pretty much all on the writer (yes, the artst helps a good deal, but in terms of dialogue, it is alll writer).

There ARE those that don't have trouble making the transition, like Joss Whedon (who, even if you dislike his work, it is not for his inability to tell a story in comic format) Damon Lindelof and JMS, but for the most part, it seems to be a long transition before the writer is comfortable writing comics, and I guess I'd just like to see an understanding of that besides the current approach of "if you can write for TV, you can write a comic book!" Because, from the perspective of the industry, it gives us too many bad comics as the writer adjusts and from the perspective of the readers, it gives too many writers a poor reputation in comics which I do not think is deserved, as when the adjustment period ends, most of the writers are pretty good (for instance, I think Ron Zimmerman's last comic book project was really quite good, but by that point in time, he had already been written off as a comic writer because he was one of the biggest examples of 'not adjusting to the change in media').

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