A steamin' heap of trade paperbacks, at the end of which you will all call me a soulless monster!

Yes, I bought some trade paperbacks. And yes, I'm going to tell you about them. And yes, you will call me a soulless monster. I can handle it!

Batman: Year One by Miller and Mazzucchelli

You should already have these issue in some form or another, but the new edition is beautiful. The printing quality is excellent, there are several pages of extras from Mazzucchelli about the design of the book, and the colors are brilliantly redone. It's a really nice-looking book.

I won't go into the story too much except to say there are a few things I have issues with. I never liked Selina as a prostitute, and I haven't kept up with the Catwoman regular series, but I think that's been retconned out of here. It just doesn't work for me. I also don't like Gordon's "affair," because it's such a cliche. I don't care if you make Gordon "more human," but if you take Essen out of the story, he's still a conflicted cop who usually does the right thing but also makes mistakes. It didn't add anything to the story. I'm curious, though - have we ever found out what happened to his wife and son? Can anyone help me out?

This is a very nice re-examination of the Batman mythos, and, as I said, the package is gorgeous. For 20 dollars, it's a good value, even if you already own the story in another form.

Ultra: Seven Days by the Luna Brothers

Ultra is a nice book, and it's 18 dollars for a huge chunk of story, so there's that (I don't like harping on prices, but in today's economy, it must be done!). I have some of the same issues Tom the Dog has with it - namely, it's okay to show extremely gory violence, but God forbid a nipple gets in there. That's the way it is in the U.S., however, so I'm not going to go into it too much. Ultra is good, solid storytelling with good, solid art - a nice superhero book. It also has a little but of commentary on Hispanic culture, something that is nice to see.

The biggest problem I had with the book, and it's not something that will stop me from recommending it, is the parody aspects of it. The idea of turning superheroes into people who work for an agency and are sent out for specific duties is truly brilliant. However, the Luna Brothers weaken the story by turning them into something like supermodels. The reason I didn't like it is because our actual society is such a parody itself that simply substituting superheroes for models and actors doesn't really tell us anything new. Yes, it's clever to have a superhero awards show like the Academy Awards, and to have each cover of the individual comic books parody a magazine cover in "our" world, but it doesn't expose anything about our world because we already know this stuff and how stupid it is. What Ultra goes through when her one-night stand is revealed in the tabloids is no different than what dozens of celebrities go through every day. It's a clever idea, but ultimately it goes nowhere.

Still, this is a good book. The interpersonal relationships between Ultra, Aphrodite, and Cowgirl are what makes the book work. The characterization is nicely done. These people, you feel, are real, which is all you can hope for when you read a work of fiction.

Couscous Express by Brian Wood and Brett Weldele

Larry Young sent this to me as part of Chris Brown's musical extravaganza, and I appreciate Larry getting his product out there in such unusual ways. This is an old book (2001), and it's interesting, but I'm torn about how I feel.

On the one hand, it's a fun, crazy, action-packed ride. It never slows down to allow you to catch your breath, which isn't a bad thing, necessarily. Olive is a delivery girl for her parents, who run a Middle Eastern restaurant called Couscous Express. One day some evil Turks show up and threaten her family, for reasons I will leave for you to discover. Olive enlists the help of her boyfriend, Moustafa, who is a courier for various underworld elements, and they fight the Turks. Simple, no?

Well, yes and no. There's a lot going on between the frames. Olive is a typical spoiled teenager who seemingly hates her parents, but comes to realize how important they are to her. She grows up a little by the end of the book, and it's an interesting arc to her character. The bad guys are also interesting, even though they don't get a lot of screen time. Wood manages to give them life with just a little dialogue. That's tough to do.

I had just a couple of problems with the book, and they're connected. First, Olive is 16 and Moustafa is 22. They have sex. In the U.S., that's statutory rape. Now, Olive points out that her parents like Moustafa, but I don't care - it's rape. I'm sure, as well, that in the culture from which Olive's parents come, an older guy usually hooks up with a much younger girl, but I don't care - this is the U.S., and it's rape. I don't mean to belabor the point, but I teach at a school where many girls are getting pregnant by their much older boyfriends, who then ditch them. Wood doesn't even address this, which is the other problem I have with the book - the lack of cultural differences between Olive and her parents. It would have been nice to see a little more on the culture of her parents, who come from a different place, and Olive, who was presumably born here. As it stands, this is just a book about teen rebellion, and it could have been more than that. There are hints of it, but not enough.

This is a fun book, and I'm glad I read it, but I can wish for a little more, can't I?

The Irregulars by Steven Elliot-Altman, Michael Reaves, and "Bong" Dazo

I got my hopes up for this book, which I suppose is a mistake. You should never get your hopes up for anything! It's a nice book, and the art is absolutely spectacular. The details are wonderful, the large cast is well-defined, and Dazo switched between 19th-century London and a horrible alternative world easily and fluidly. The story is kind of dull, though, which is unfortunate. Professor Moriarty wants to bring hell to earth, and only the Baker Street Irregulars can stop him! There's plenty of action, nice character interaction, and a simplistic mystery, and if that's what you want, that's fine. However, when I buy something that has to do with Sherlock Holmes, I'd like a better mystery! In this, Dr. Watson is thrown in jail because a witness saw him butcher a man in the park, but it's clear very quickly not only that he didn't do it, but who the real killer is and how he framed Watson. I have spoken on mysteries in comics before, and this was another one that indicates comics writers simply aren't taking advantage of the medium as well as they could to write real gripping mysteries. As with the rest of these trades, it's a nice read, but there are flaws. The art's really nice, though.

Owly by Andy Runton

I bought Owly because I was told I must, and because it has been universally acclaimed. Well, let me tell you, gentle reader - it sucks.

Okay, I'll quantify that a bit. It sucks for anyone over the age of, maybe, eight. And that might even be too old for this book. Why, when something is "all-ages," what it really means is that no one who's even remotely near puberty will enjoy it? I'm sorry - I just hated this. I have read "children's" literature in the past - most recently Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy, so I'm not being a snob, but this just sucks. The stories are ridiculously simplistic - Owly saves a worm! Owly and Worm befriend hummingbirds! - and the art is awful (I claimed I could draw it, but I doubt if I could - some of the panels, sure, but then again, I suck at drawing, and if I can even draw one of these panels, that means the art sucks). The sentiments expressed are fine - be friends with everyone and life will be good - but those sentiments have been expressed in better form in hundreds of other places, so who cares? I always have a problem with animals acting against their nature - Owly would eat the damned worm, for crying out loud! - but I'll let it go. I will share this with my daughter when she's a bit older, but that's it. There's no reason for you to buy this unless you know small children, because it will bore anyone else to tears. Go read the Winnie-the-Pooh books for a more subtle take on what it means to be a friend. Those are true classics. Owly, on the other hand, sucks.

There. I said it. I feel better.