And the winner is ...
I have looked at your comments, and I'm not quite ready yet to name a winner. Come back later this afternoon - right now my parents are in town and we're ready to go do some Christmas shopping, and it's all very busy. Give it five more hours or so and I'll have made a decision. This gives anyone who hasn't come up with a pitch yet to do so. I tell you, though, there's a lot of good suggestions!
I'll be back. I promise.
I'll be back. I promise.
posted by Greg at 12/21/2005 12:05:00 PM
1 Comments:
Namor wakes up one morning. Everything's black. He can't breathe. He shoots up to the surface of the ocean, getting into the open air with only seconds left to catch his breath. He looks down. The ocean is drenched in oil. Tanker spill. Namor gets pissed. Giganto lands on Manhattan. Namor crushes New York under a tsunami. Don't fuck with Namor.
or
Guy Smith is dead. He's been dead for a little while now, and he's gotten used to it. As much as anyone can, that is. There's not much to do when you're dead. I mean, if he was a Norse god he could go to Valhalla, or if he was a Christian, he might try to get into heaven. But for celebrity superheroes, who were born of exploitation? There's no special club. They're left out with the Batrocs and the Paste Pot Petes of the world.
Of course, it's not so bad now that everyone's dead. After the big hoopla a while back with Apocalypse or Count Nefaria (whoever), pretty much all of humanity got wiped out. Well, at least everyone that Guy knew.
It seems that, at last, Guy finally has some peace. He's surrounded by friends, he's finally reunited with his old love Edie Sawyer, and he's been freed from the hyperactive senses that were his mutant power. He can feel the breeze on his cheek now. He can feel the grass on his feet. He can feel, without pain.
But one day, Guy gets an urgent message from an old friend. An old friend that he's a little curious about, actually. You see, of all the people he knew, she would be the first one he'd have expected to see down here. Dead Girl.
It seems that the evil mastermind behind humanity's massive population decrease has been setting his sights on a migration to the stars. He wants to conquer a new planet.
What does Guy care? He's happy here, with the love of his life and no worries. We have to fix this, says Dead Girl. It's one of ours.
Cut to a maniacal grin, cackling up a storm. Pan out to reveal:
Doop.
Ultimately convinced by the powerful guilt he feels, Guy is convinced to help Dead Girl. He has to face leaving Edie again, and dealing with the pain and torture of his extrasensory abilities once more. And with that, the quest begins.
Guy has been comissioned by Dead Girl to travel the globe, collecting pieces of her body. Doop blew her up after she figured out it was him behind it all, and had her body dispersed to such a degree that she could re-assemble. But with Guy's help, there is hope.
It won't be easy, as Guy is stuck in a wasteland or wild creatures and harsh weather. And thanks to his powers, everything hurts a little more. But with those cursed powers, he can search out the pieces of Dead Girl's body.
Once Dead Girl is completely assembled, she'll be able to resurrect everyone that Doop killed and amass an army, powerful enough to stop him.
Always stuck cleaning up the messes he never meant to make, Guy Smith is Mister Sensitive in...
The X-Statix Reunion Special!
(In the end, it turns out that the whole thing is a sham, masterminded and filmed by Doop for a comeback show. He just wants his old life back.)
Of course, there's always
Spider-Man: I Have Life Problems
I hope I entered in time!
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