Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Nine Things Two! The Life and Times of Uncle Scrooge.

American Virgin # 1…. (Single Issue) Purchased New

Steven T. Seagle writer, Becky Cloonan Artist. DC/Vertig0, 2006.

So. First BRAND NEW comic Nine Things Reviews. And, well, it’s a mixed bag. So, in the spirit of our cretinously simple binary review system, let’s review this in two parts. Good things. (YAY!) and Bad Things. (B00. Hiss.)

Good Things: A completely unique premise, an’ a pretty cool one at that. Writer, Steven Seagle, states in an interview with Comic Book Resources:

American Virgin' (which I just call 'Virgin' for short!) is a new ongoing Vertigo monthly about sex and death and how long you can live in the shadow of one without retreating to the other.

In fact, the whole of the CBR interview is full of plump, juicy, fertile nuggets of conceptual coolness. I was getting some serious girding of the loins in anticipation after reading it.

In addiction, the book already has a fairly large, interesting and, if not three dimensiona cast, then a collection of cool charicatures. We got Adam, our hero, who’s a, maybe THE spokesman for the nationwide “No sex till marriage” virginity movement. Which means he’s stuck between the Rock of Ages and a hard place, his girlfriend is off doing the peace corp thing in Africa, his, irresponsible, pothead brother, Adam’s Jimmy Swaggart style evangelist parents, who provide the GOD to contrast with the devilish folks in the REST of his insane family, two of whom kidnap our hero, hire a prostitute and… well, I don’t wanna give it up QUITE yet, y’know.

Also, the art by DEMO artist Becky Cloonan jes’ pops my cherries. Her work looks a lot like Paul Pope… Which means stylish, confident, and really easy on the eyes. (I like artists who draw like artists I like.)

Bad Things: The story ends with a major cliffhanger, which, honestly, I’da put on page six had I been the writer on this book. Which means we don’t really have ANY forward plot motion in this book, just character bits. Likewise, in a litero-thematic sense, I’m not sure what the books going to be about, other than the doin’ of the nasty. Seagel spells it out in the above linked interview, but ish numero uno only lays the simplest, quavering hand on the themactic core of the book, instead of plunging into the conceptual meat with gusto.

Here’s what I think: A first issue should be like a pu-pu platter. It should give you a little bit of everything to follow, both in story-types, characters, and themes. And, oh yeah, a first issue should tell a Complete and Full story. Sure, it can be a complete and full story that ends and then BOOM. Cliffhanger to keep the serial drama addicts jonesing, but there should be a S-T-O-R-Y.

I’m wound up by this issue, for sure, but there’s no cathartic release.

Still, while I mourn the sad state of current comics with their wait for the trade mentality, this is pretty much recommended. Or, better yet, wait for the trade, ‘cause that’s clearly the audience that the American Virgin team has in mind.

The Best Part: BESIDES having the best cover of pretty much any comic ever? The issue ends with a full page shot of Adam, dressed to the nines in front of a cheering crowd of college students, stating “I’m a virgin.” The issue ENDS with a full page shot of shabby, bedraggled, and very, very alone Adam saying “Fuck Me.” Nice symmetry, all round.

Crickets (Single Issue) Purchased New

Sammy Harkham Writer/Arist. Drawn and Quarterly, 2006

I'm all conflicted in my soul.This is the SECOND straight Nine Things that slags off on a Drawn and Quarterly book. (But, D 'n Q darling, we'll always have Wimbeldon Green.) And the second straight time the author of the book I’m dumping on is Goddamn good at comicing. I know this, cause while I’m not hugely familiar with Sammy Harkham’s work, I was completely knocked sockless by his soldier story in McSweeny’s Quarterly a while back, and epervescently enjoyed the issues of the Kramer’s Ergot anthology which he edited. Plus he’s creative, Foolin’ with negative space to a degree I've never seen in comics before, especially in the second story.Each panel seems like it's set too low, with a buncha black space at the top of each. This device, rather'n distancing us from the action, actually gives the panel progression a sense of scope and inveitability... Check THIS beautiful little sequence.

Freaky, huh? Lookit all that damn dark.

But. Not Recommended. And for pretty much the same REASON as I made disgruntled noises about Atlas # 1 last week, too. The book is just the first part of a narrative, and leaves me wanting, well, some kind of resolution besides the inevitable all black panel at the end. It gives us two interconnecting stories, as a man who (apparently) can't be killed finds a friendly monster in the forest, an' they encounter a father and son travelling to bury the kid's brother. And, really, it’s completely effective at what it’s trying to do, establishing a mood of almost whistful horror, which I understand doesn’t make sense until you read Crickets and then you’re all “Oh.”

But there’s no real sense of beginning (We start with our hero getting shot at. With arrows. A lot. But we don’t know why) or ending (‘cept that lonely fade to black) to this comic, and, it being an Indy and all, Lawd only knows how long it’ll be till the next one. Could be, I dunno, maybe even as long as SIX YEARS!

There’s potentially a great graphic novel here, a couple years down the line. And the next issue promises stand alone stories, which, if they’re half as good as Harkham’s tale in McSweeny’s, should kick seven cubic bushels of Grade A ass.

But taken as a solo unit, Crickets just left me feeling empty. And alone. And scared.

The Best Part: The next issue blurb on the back cover, which guarantees I’ll be back next issue.

Dreadlands #1 (Single Issue, Prestige Format.) Purchased Used.

Andy Lanning and Steve White, writers. Phil Gasconine Artist. Marvel/Epic, 1990

Note. The following italicized text is the first few panels of text from the book. Which should give you some idea of the tone.

Colorado, USA…


The world has become a mute testament to humanity’s arrogance and shortsightedness.

(Dinosaurs? On the Cover? I’m SOO buying this!)

Densely populated, climactically unstable and ecologically derelict

I love dinosaurs. Even Barney.)

it is a rotting WASTELAND.

(But, man, I’m flipping through this, and I don’t SEE any dinosaurs.) Disease, famine, and…. blah-de-dy, blah-de-dy, depressing, depressing, bring on the frickin’ Ankylosaurus, already!…

Few pockets of civilization that survive. But amongst these Dreadlands, there is…

(Better be One BIG OL' Dinosaur, or I’m marching right back to the shop and getting my four bucks back..)



Well, SPOILERS! This comic, while not very good by our earth standards DOES have dinosaurs, so I’m a happy man. Dinosaurs and pirates. I’ll buy frickin’ anything with dinosaurs or pirates in it, and be happy as a parasorolaphus in early gymnosperms.

What this comic ALSO has is a lot of boring set-up. Ferinstance, after the depressing voice-over I quote for you above, it immediately goes into ANOTHER depressing voiceover, about how locusts were all harbangering doom and were all squishy to boot. Then there’s plenty Sciency guys explain their pretend science projects, military guys barking orders and acting tough, Love interests are introduced… You seen the Jurassic Park flicks, you basically read this comic. Or, pretty much ANY A level budget B movie. Formulaic, predictable, and boring. It’s like a porn movie that shows you how the pizza is made and the proper method for keeping it hot for the trip to the girl’s house. There is, in fact, 37 pages of (YAAAAWN) set up before we get to the dinosaur money shot.

But it’s a NICE money shot. I’d continue with my porn flick analogy, but I’m pretty sure that when Cronin told me “Write Whatever You Want” he didn’t REALLY mean it.

So, NOT RECOMMENDED unless, basically, you’re me.

The Best Part:

Finalllly! Yessssss!

Life and Times of Uncle Scrooge. (Trade Paperback) Purchased New.

Don Rosa Writer/Artist. GladStone Comics, 1995.

OK. Confession Time. First, the bodies are buried underneath the old mill shed, I'm SORRY, OK, but the way those clowns looked at me, and honked…their…dreadful…little…. Horns…

And second, I've only read a handful of stories by Carl Barks, Disney comic artist Numero Uno, creator of Uncle Scrooge and the single most popular cartoonist in Europe. Which makes this review a tad difficult, because, well, The Life and Times of Uncle Scrooge is a loving tribute to Carl Barks.

Actually, scratch loving and replace with “Obsessive, compulsive, and bordering on stalkerish.”
The Life and Times of Uncle Scrooge is a continuitization, an attempt to take not just every Carl Barks story but every off-hand remark about their past exploits made by every character in every Carl Barks story and weave this into a kind of “Untold Tale of Uncle Scrooge,” explaining how he got to be the richest duck in the world, and what happened to him before he met up with Donald, Huey, Dewey, and Louey. Rosa, in fact, is developing Scrooge into the character we meet in the very fist Bark’s story, a grumpy, solitary miser who would, as Bark’s tenure continued, revise his role as the world’s greatest adventurer, dragging Don and the nephews off to Borneo on a dang-near weekly basis.

Of course, Scrooge had done his fair share of adventuring BEFORE he retired to the solitary life. Bark’s would refer to Scrooge’s prior adventures from time-to-time in his own Duck-Tales, usually offhandedly. The idea that these little chunks of back story would be anything more than flavor text were the furthest thing from his mind. Which is why it’s cool to watch Rosa take those off-hand references and weaving a narrative out of them.

From the Commentary to Part Seven:

Well, boy, my Barksian references in this chapter started right off in the splash panel. I slipped some old photographs into [Scrooge’s Sister’s Photo Album] that allude to a missing chapter in Scrooge’s life. His years in Pizen Bluff, Arizona, as a gold prospector, told of in the untitled Barks tale in the back of Uncle Scrooge # 26.

Life and Times starts Dismal Downs, Scotland (The anscestral Home of Clan McDuck, of course) moves through an old West full of Mississippi River Pirates (Yay! Pirates), Gold Prospectors and future presidents detours through the Australian Outback, Alaska, and Africa before ending up in Duckburg, USA. There’s twelve chapters in all, each convering a different time and a different place, until, Geographically and Chronologically we end TLATOUS right at the beginning of Carl Barks FIRST Uncle Scrooge Story.

And through it all, Rosa tries to keep his stories as consistent with our own, real-world, not funny animal inhabitated world, keeping geographical locations as true-to-life as possible, and even giving us cameos by real life historical personages, like Wyatt Earp and Teddy Roosevelt.

It’s a HUGE project, which must have required hours of exhaustive historical research and exhaustive comic reading research, and Rosa has to be applauded for simply doin’ the work.

“Yeah, but what’s the book LIKE? “

‘Scuse Me?

“I can’t imagine that a buncha offhand references in a freaking Uncle Scrooge comics provide the basis for a gripping sequential narrative. I’m gonna go read Spawn, instead. I hear you can see Angela’s Nipples!”

“Alright, youngster, but you’re missing a rousing, grand, downright EPIC adventure. This book is, in the parlance of the youth of today, FREAKING AWESOME to the max, daddi-o. Like the Barks stories, TLATOUS isn’t so much a comedy, though there’s plenty of funny moments,

as a buncha edge of your seat adventure stories, as Scrooge proves himself “Tougher than the Toughies, and Sharper than the Sharpies,” and proves himself a genuine, grade-a badass to boot. “

The art is clean, accurate to the various locales, and detailed, full of neat little gags happening in the background, which just contributes to the joyous sense of FUN this book has. We get none of the turgidly emo navel-gazing that often pops up in superhero books, but at the end we DO leave with a lot of insight into our well-rounded and feathered protaginist, makin’ him seem completely alive even to Bark’s virgins like me.

Great book. Best of the week, and one of the best comics I’ve ever read. Very Highly Recommended!

The Best Part: There’s a lot, but I kinda dig this “You wouldn’t LIKE me when I’m angry bit, which the fine folks at Scans Daily have pre-scanned, so I don’t gotta.

"Oops," indeed.

Scurvy Dogs: Rags to Riches (Trade Paperback) Borrowed From Library

Andrew Boyd Writer, Ryan Yount Writer Artist.

Pirates! I do so love Pirates! And Scurvy Dogs is FULL of Pirates, a whole CREW of pirates, and funny pirates at that. The humor in Scurvy Dogs is based on a total, near-suffocating immersion in pop culture combined with a powerful love for Monty Python-esque bizzareness.

The original issues were cool, and this trade is cooler. It’s jacked full of sketches, extra strips, pin-ups from noted comic talents such as Brian Wood and a bunch of people I’ve never heard of, third grade drawings by the artists fresh from mama’s fridge, and a meticulous panel to panel commentary, containing such nuggets of wisdom from the creators as (Page 23) Panel 6: Ryan: I don’t know how to actually freebase fluoride, so I just had to guess when I drew that panel. Andrew: Good Guess.

So, as you can tell, this book is FUCKING GLORIOUS!

Be that as it may, it’s kind of amazing that the creators signed their names on this to begin with. I mean, it’s a non-stop cavalcade of gut-busting jollity, don’t get me wrong, but it isn’t a non-stop cavalcade of gut-busting jollity, I’d want to show to my family or let the neighbors know I was involved in. And then to sit down and document, in excrutiatingly minute detail, the process involved in making something so… just so…. Well, bizzarely stupid. It’s beautiful. I’m not ashamed to admit that, upon reading Scurvy Dogs: Rags to Riches, I fell upon my knees and wept openly.


(Unless you don’t find the above gags funny, and like your humor all la-di-da New Yorker sophisticated. But then you really, really, shouldn’t be reading my stuff to begin with, yo.)

The Best Part: I loved the Date-Reveal at the beginning of the first story. “That’s the Other Half,” the little kid’s re-telling of Blackbeard’s life story, and the cameo from Rod Stewart… But my very favorite part is when, through labyrinthine circumstances to bizarre to recount here, the Pirates become all famous, in a New Kids in the Block merchandising bananza kind of way. Here’s the result.

And you absolutely CAN NOT go wrong with Monkeys versue Pirates. Just not possible.

The Thing # 4. (Single Issue) Purchased New

Dan Slott/Writer, Andrea Divito and Laura Villari artists. Marvel Comics, 2006.

L-l-l-l-ockjaw! Hooray!

Lockjaw’s the big brown guy on the cover, the pooch pet of Marvel Comics superhero separatists the Inhumans, who live on the moon so as not to get any nasty earthman diseases, or something.

Now, I’m a huge fan of animal super-characters. There are those comic fans who deride super-pets like Lockjaw and Proty and Topo, but they are stupid on an EPIC scale.

I mean, take Krypto. Sure, he’s a dog with Superman powers. No Biggie. But. He’s a dog, with Superman powers, that someone has taken the time to sew a little cape for, so he can fly around and fight evil! How can your mind not be blown by the awesome! Somebody sewed him a little cape!

And Lockjaw, as previously stated, rocks the house with WILD abandon. First of all, he’s a Jack Kirby created monster, and nobody in God’s Green Earth drew big monsters better than Kirby.

Second, he’s comedy gold.

Third, he, uh, fetches!

Anyway, I was thinking of dropping this book. I’ve been going through some lack-of-novelty Marvel malaise lately, anyway. But as long as Lockjaw stays in the cast, I’ll keep buying.

Couple notes on the art: Andrea Devito is darned find at drawing widespread carnage and expressionistic humans… But somehow it’s just not flowing for me. There’s a little TOO much space between moments, which makes the book just a tech hard to follow.

Still, Recommended. ‘Cause Lockjaw. Damn right.

The Best Part: Well, LOCKJAW. And I really love the lettering font for the Thing’s grand-niece, Valeria.

Tomb of Dracula # 12-17. (Essential Volume) Bought New
Marv Wolfman wrtier, Gene Colan Artist. Marvel, 1972/2001.

Well, I did some o' this book last week, and gave it a hearty Recommended, which totally carries over into THIS week. But instead of talking story, I thought I'd share my undying, unabated Gene Colan love with y'al and check out some of his coolest fight scenes from the issues in question.

Almost a Colan fight scene trademark. The long shot, leading into an EXTREME close-up of the action. Y'can almost feel the CRACK!

Dang, but these Essential Books are tough to scan. Anyway, notice how Drac's fear an' confusion here are reflected in the artwork, both in the overwhelming, impossibly thick mass of bodies and the jagged, unsettling panel arrangements. Neat trick, Gene.

Incidentally, # 14, which this sequence comes from, is my favorite issue of the series so far. Vampire Hunter Blade stakes Dracula but doesn't quite have time to lop his head off. And then a wandering Preacher finds the almost-gone count, and promises his flock a "miraculous" ressurection, little knowing who he's gonna revive.

A nasty, cynical, and viscious little story that makes me wonder about the mental health of the authors. Of COURSE I loved it.

And here Colan holds back and makes us imagine the carnage. Freaky.

Not Gene the Dean's greatest ever fight scene here, but dig the groovy shadow play on the back wall as Dracula tears into fellow Marvel Monster, the Werewolf By Night.

Walt Kelly’s Christmas Classics (Single Issue) Back Issue, Reprint
Walt Kelly Writer/Artist Eclipse, 1987.

So. Whatdaya say about this. It’s a short couple ‘o Christmas themed reprints by the guy who drew Pogo, which is widely acknowledged by the comic strip cognizant to be up threre with Peanuts and Krazy Kat and Calvin and Hobbes as one of the greatest achievements in the field of daily strip cartooning.

This is not, however, Kelly at the peak of his powers. As in Pogo, talking animals abound, starting with a humor strip where a biiig Christmas party is planned, all the parents figure that Santa Claus ain’t gonna show, so, independtly, three of the parents dress as Santa, slide down the chimney, OH NO! Three Santas, much confusion. And THEN the fat dude himself arrives… And whackiness sort of ensues.

The second story has Elfin Peter Wheat and his l’il mouse and jaybird helpers trying to do a solid for Santa by rushing on over to his workshop to help with toy duty, when they’re attacked by an evil wizard.

Shakespeare, this stuff isn’t. It’s bright, fast paced, and well choreographed cartooning that’ll probably appeal to your six year old, and the fact that W*A*L*T K*E*L*L*Y drew this, years before switching from comic books to comic strips gives it undeniable historical importance, but it doesn’t have the adult laugh-out-loud (or, in fact, remotely entertain) factor that ya get from kidz comics like John Stanley’s Little Lulu…. Or even the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck. So, the young’ns will like it, and it’s an interesting look at a master’s development, but for the rest of us: Not Recommended.

The Best Part: Kelly can sure ‘nuff draw, though, and I have a huge fondess for this particular page.

Discussion Questions:

1. So. I got "The Adventures of Luther Arkwright" out of the library, like, three months ago and I'm scared to read it. I loved Talbot's Tale of One Bad Rat, but, I dunno, Luther just seems so dense. And European. Can anyone out there SWEAR to me that this'll be good?

2. Anyone know where I can scare up Carl Bark's Duck story reprints cheap?

3. If you've got a favorite DINOSAUR or PIRATE comic you'd like to see in this here collumn, tell me. I've got a pretty goodly sized collection of both, and I'd love to talk about 'em.

Next (Well, I've given up on "week" when I remember how long it takes me to do one of these. So next time.):

Dunno yet. Maybe a feature review on Luther Arkwright, if I can brave it. Failing that, I'll do Jason's Meow, Baby.

And, oh yeah, Pirates and Dinosaurs.

And, since this is basically the Grant Morrison memorial love blog, I'm trying for a special all Seven Soldiers Nine Things for RIGHT before the last issue drops.

Read More


Anonymous Mr Tumnus said...

Read Luther! It's brilliant. Yes, it's dense, and yes, it's European, but as long as you keep an eye on which parallel you're on, you'll be fine.

3/14/2006 07:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gemstone has a pair of digests reprinting some of Barks' stories that were adapted (sometimes by Don Rosa) for the DuckTales cartoon coming out this summer.

3/14/2006 08:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Lyle said...

From what I've heard of American Virgin's cliffhanger, it doesn't have a lot of suspense if you've heard Seagle talk about the comic at the Vertigo panel in San Diego... or if you've read a con recap that discussed it, as I did.

3/14/2006 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger Peter Hensel said...

American Virgin-I didn't feel the cliffhanger should have been placed earlier. There are plenty of amazingly developed characters, and the eventual cliffhanger is so much more powerful because of the foundation it shatters.

3/14/2006 12:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Brad said...

"1. So. I got "The Adventures of Luther Arkwright" out of the library, like, three months ago and I'm scared to read it. I loved Talbot's Tale of One Bad Rat, but, I dunno, Luther just seems so dense. And European. Can anyone out there SWEAR to me that this'll be good?"

I got it for free from someone who was looking to get rid of it on CBR. I've only read about a quarter of it in the months I've had it, and so far I'm somewhere it's left me pretty cold, but I admire the density and craft enough (and am enough of a nerd when it comes to alternate realities) that I'll finish it eventually. I have a lot of dense graphic novels piling up around here, what with Complete Bone and the Contract With God Trilogy also being in my possesion, so it could be awhile.

"3. If you've got a favorite DINOSAUR or PIRATE comic you'd like to see in this here collumn, tell me. I've got a pretty goodly sized collection of both, and I'd love to talk about 'em."

Amazingly not. I mean, not solely about pirates or dinosaurs. I'm game whenever the X-Men go to the Savage Land and all, but I don't think I even own a pirate or dinosaur-centric comic that didn't have Marvel superheroes in it. I'll have to rectify that. Oh, and flipping through Virgin, I did find that last page pretty funny.

3/14/2006 03:13:00 PM  
Blogger Bastarður Víkinga said...

Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck might just be the greatest comic I've ever read.

3/14/2006 03:19:00 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Gemstone's current Donald Duck & Friends and Uncle Scrooge books often reprint Barks stories (as well as other Rosa stories, too), but be warned the Scrooge book is squarebound and therefore pretty pricey.

Also, the Disney Comic Album series Gladstone published awhile back still seems to be in print, or at least still widely available, and the Donald & Scrooge volumes of those all reprint Barks material. They're not too expensive and can usually be found through Amazon.

3/14/2006 03:27:00 PM  
Blogger MarkAndrew said...

Peter Hensel sez

"American Virgin-I didn't feel the cliffhanger should have been placed earlier. There are plenty of amazingly developed characters, and the eventual cliffhanger is so much more powerful because of the foundation it shatters."

Yeah, but we already GOT the foundation in the first few pages. Everything else was just a processional of character introductions...

It's an ongoing series, right?

Seagle has PLENTY of time to introduce characters... But that's all he does between (around) page five to (around) page 19. And it's done at the expense of plot or story-building or EVERYTHING.

3/15/2006 01:33:00 AM  
Blogger joncormier said...

Are the Corto Maltese stories considered Pirate stories? They're a bit like westerns on water (well the ONE I read was) so I consider it to be an updated pirate story. If you manage to find some of those stories I'd say that would keep me satisfied.

3/15/2006 10:18:00 AM  
Blogger Matt Brady said...

Polly and the Pirates is great. It'll probably come out in a fairly cheap digest when the series is finished. I haven't read it in a while, but I seem to remember Xenozoic Tales being pretty good. And I hear Steve Bissette's Tyrant is good, although I haven't read it.

3/15/2006 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger MarkAndrew said...

Alright. Tummus convinced me.

I'm gonna try and make my way through Luther 'an get a review up for next time. Cause if I do it, then Brad won't have to.

Bill Doughty


Yeah. I'm SO not a pricey fan. The Gemstone albums are seven bucks for one C.B. story and a buncha other stuff. I'm interested in Bark's stuff, but not a dollar a page interested.

I will try'n pick up the digest reprints and the Donald and Scrooge special, though.

I'm really wondering why Gemstone doens't just release trades of the C.B. Duck Material. Seems like they're takin' the most round-a-bout and inneficient means of reprinting it they can find.

3/15/2006 02:30:00 PM  
Blogger Angela Dixon said...

Nice post! Can’t wait for the next one. Keep stuff like this coming.

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