DC Countdown to Infinite Crisis Spoilers – Four Angry Bulls

I was all prepared to tell you all how bad DC Countdown to Infinite Crisis was, as both an individual comic book and a philosophical statement.

I was going to tell you about how I thought it was ham-handed because of the lack of subtlety regarding the book’s main topic, “how Blue Beetle is a loser.” I was going to mention that the book references his loserdom literally EIGHTEEN times (and yes, I did count…hehe).

I was going to mock the unoriginality of making Maxwell Lord a villain. I was going to point out that it has been done already, by Gerry Jones during his equally unimaginative run on JLA (I say unimaginative because of the fact that making Maxwell Lord a villain is right up there with making Henry Gyrich a villain. Really? The officious guy…he’s a BAD guy? No way! I’m astonished!).

I was going to mock the unoriginality of centering the story on a second-tier character just to kill them off so as to launch a bigger storyline, which was JUST done in Identity Crisis!

I was then going to go on about how amazed I was by the ability of Dan Didio, Geoff Johns, Greg Rucka and Judd Winick to refer to the book (in Dan Didio’s afterward) as a “throwback to yesterday.”

I was going to express amusement at the idea that this comic was a result of the four of them discussing “what got us hooked on comics in the first place, high-octane action, bigger-than-life adventure, inconceivable villains, and the greatest heroes overcoming impossible odds.” Especially the last bit. I was going to have great fun pointing out how having a superhero get shot in the head was not exactly a great example of the greatest heroes overcoming impossible odds.

I was going to marvel at the consistency the four of them have of reading classic comics and trying to duplicate them, but managing to take out only the stuff that was not why the comics were classics in the first place.

I was going to mark my astonishment at their unflappable ability to completely miss the point.

I was going to compare them to a group of monkeys, and say that, given flashcards with “the point” written on them, monkeys choosing randomly would have a better shot at getting the point than would these four men.

I was going to quote some incredibly on-point lines that Mark Waid wrote, as supplied by my pal Peter, from a foreword to Underworld Unleashed.

Stuff like:

Probably the single strongest creative motive governing comics over the last ten years has been embarrassment.

You know it. You've seen its ruinous effects.

Knuckle-headed well-intended creators, ashamed of corny old characters, have been -- for most of a decade -- dragging half-forgotten heroes and villains kicking and screaming into their own little hardware store of creativity. There, haunted by a guilty fear that these ancient superdoers aren't kewl enough for a generation of videogame-enhanced readers, said knuckle-headed creators graft big guns and armoured suits and homicidal personalities and grotesque deformities onto these poor costumed naifs and thus fool themselves into thinking they're doing them a good turn by bludgeoning all the innocent charm and colourful individuality out of them.

And

I had all the answers. Full of arrogance, I went trawling back through the DC archives for cannon fodder...

...reread the comics of my youth...

...and gradually, like the Grinch who heard the carol of the Whos, my heart grew three sizes that day.

What had gotten into me? Had I been possessed? Crazy Quilt. Atomic Skull. Trickster. Without half thinking about it, I knew I loved these guys every bit as much today as I had when I was eleven.

Mr. Freeze. Psycho Pirate. Killer Moth.

Okay, maybe not Killer Moth. But besides him, none of DC's villains needed the benefit of any ham-handed, arrogant "fixing". Sure, many of them were a little old-fashioned, a little quaint, but they were certainly more clever and inventive than most if not all of my own creations.

And while some of them could stand a good makeover to make them more contemporary, the trick wasn't to make them Grim and Gritty (TM), it wasn't to capriciously change them into something they weren't. The secret was to help them realize a new potential while at the same time keeping true to their origins.

And

All-in-all, with the assistance of Howard (Porter), Brian, and Inkers Dennis Janke, John Nyberg and Dan Green, I got even more out of UNDERWORLD UNLEASHED than I invested in it. Not only did they make it look terrific, but their efforts proved to me once and for all that our characters, from the most noble to the most villainous, are best served with regard, not condescension. Within each of them is a gem of creativity that must be polished and even cherished.

To treat them in any other manner would be the world of the Devil himself.

I was going to point out how Countdown to Infinite Crisis is a perfect example of what Waid is talking about, about letting shame and condescension be the building blocks of the writers who are essentially the stewards of the DC Universe.

Yes, I was going to do all this, but then something happened. My pal Brad said something that really struck me. He told me “You’re not going to write another one of those ‘DC is awful’ pieces that everyone is doing, are you?”

It then occurred to me, this really was a bit of a waste of time, wasn’t it?

Didio, Johns, Rucka, Winick…the four of them. They are so blinded by the fact that they think what they are doing is righteous, that it is a waste to try to demonstrate otherwise.

So I then found this quote from Thomas Jefferson, and I thought it was so applicable here.

In the fevered state of our country, no good can ever result from any attempt to set one of these fiery zealots to rights, either in fact or principle. They are determined as to the facts they will believe, and the opinions on which they will act. Get by them, therefore, as you would by an angry bull; it is not for a man of sense to dispute the road with such an animal.

Dan Didio

Geoff Johns

Greg Rucka

Judd Winick

They are four angry bulls, and it is not for us to dispute the road they travel.

And it’s a real shame, too, for DC Countdown to Infinite Crisis truly is a result of what happens when you get four angry bulls together in one area.

A load of bullshit.