Sunday, January 23, 2005

Re-employment Program

I am so smart.

I was looking through some comics stuff on the web and a thought occurred to me, "Why the hell does anyone ever pay Tom Grummet to draw superheroes? It's like Kirby and Swan had a retarded child together!" Right then it dawned on me one way we can help this dear industry of ours.

The re-employment program! We need to find new jobs so some people never bother us with their comics again! I'm sure Tom Grummet would probably enjoy a high paying corporate position at an advertising firm! He'd be making so much more money! If not a corporate position, how about race car driver? Every boy knows that being a race car driver = sex.

But it wouldn't just stop with Mr. Grummet. We could get Joe Matt a position editing porn flicks. It's GENIUS as he already does this for free! Geoff Johns could go back to writing encyclopedias! Frank Cho, adept at drawing the same woman over and over again with different wigs and clothes, could make manniquins! Michael Turner: Sanitation Worker!

It's simple, it's brilliant, and it will HELP SAVE COMICS. Best of all, it's productive! No more hate-spewing, let's find better work for less competent creators!

I bet some of you folks can even think up your own re-employment strategems.


Blogger Brad Curran said...

If do worry what will become of your bile if this works, though? Will you be the scrappy crusaders for quality graphic literature that we (excluding half of CBR) have all grown to know and love, or will you go soft without Chris Claremont and Peter David to kick around? Will your hate for bad comics be replaced with love for a medium free of identity crises and peepshows, or will it turn on the unsuspecting world, creating chaos on a biblical scale? Most importantly, will my two posts be deleted, erased like so many characters in the Crisis?

1/23/2005 11:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not to worry. Mediocre comics creators are like a hydra. Cut off one, and seven more will rise in its place.

1/24/2005 05:25:00 AM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Notice I didn't mention Claremont. Now, while I and any sane person think his writing is sheer hackery, he, for some reason, does have his fans. I would not want to slight them while alleviating myself. So I'll still have him to kick around.

And there is that hydra thing after all.

1/24/2005 06:54:00 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

I think I've found the fatal flaw in your master plan here, Joe.

What if you find a job for, say, Michael Turner, but he doesn't want to leave the comics industry?

1/24/2005 04:53:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

The point is to find him a job that he'd like. Like counseling anorexic girls.

1/24/2005 05:40:00 PM  
Blogger Ed Cunard said...

If he really loved comics, he'd leave.

1/24/2005 08:56:00 PM  
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