Monday, January 17, 2005

Memo to Bryan Hitch

Dear Mr. Hitch,

Congratulations. You have a DVD player and a pause button. That's great. Now, instead of drawing Sam "Scenery Chewer" Jackson and Patrick "Better Than This" Stewart over and over again, how about drawing some comic books? Shit, Ultimates 2 is some bloated, boring junk.

Your pal,

Comics Should Be Good

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Two short bits from me before I head to bed.

1. I'm updating my own blog again, including a bunch of photos from this weekend's party attended by no fewer than six contributers and fans of this blog. Check it out.

2. Even future sisters-in-law love New Frontier. It's the best.

28 Comments:

Blogger Brian Cronin said...

Thank you for that, Joe.

I want daily content on this site, consarnit!!!

And since you posted that, I don't have to write a new entry.

Good man!

And yes, Bryan Hitch...seriously, making characters look like movie stars is funny...but "funny" doesn't exactly make sense in the middle of a dramatic series.

You shouldn't be distracted during each panel by "hey, he looks just like ____!"

And how odd is Shannon Elizabeth's boyfriend/husband insisting that she allow her likeness to appear in an issue of Ultimates?

By the by, did you know that your future sister-in-law has essentially the same exact name as my girlfriend?

1/18/2005 01:37:00 AM  
Blogger Jake said...

Joe, I usually respect the hell out of you, but you've fucked up this time.

Yes, I'll admit that Xavier as Patrick Stewart gave me a "hey, what the hell?" moment, but anyone who's read the book AT ALL should know that Nick Fury has ALWAYS looked like Sam Jackson, this shouldn't have even raised eyebrows.

Beyond that, Bloated boring junk? Come on. You're disappointed that no one made with the punchy or explodo? If you think about it, more happened to advance the plot in #2 than in #1. The end of the issue was a huge dramatic shift, the scene between Cap and Thor was very important to their character development, and although the scene between Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver was creepy... yeah, it was kind of pointless, but that's just like 2 pages. Now, I don't know if you liked or preferred #1 at all, but If you didn't, why are you still reading the book?

I mean, negative reviews are kinda funny for a few seconds, so I suppose you're provinding some form of entertainment, but I generally stop reading something when I become disappointed with it.

1/18/2005 02:54:00 AM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Jake, Jake, Jake.

Yes, Nick has been "cast" as Sam since issue one, "volume" one. And it was midly amusing during THAT ISSUE. Afterwards it became distracting and silly. Now we get a FULL PAGE PORTRAIT of a shitty actor who nerds love because he likes Star Wars. It didn't so much raise eyebrows this time as, "Ah, Christ, enough of this."

"If you think about it, more happened to advance the plot in #2 than in #1."

And a slap to the face hurts less than a kick to the nuts. That doesn't mean either one is actually good. Ultimates is a comic book version of a Bruckheimer film, except that the first two and a half acts of the film is just people spouting bad dialogue that the writer thinks is good dialogue. Pop culture references doesn't make you a good writer; they don't even make you Quentin Tarentino. They just make you . . .Kevin Smith.

The Magneto siblings scene: your defense is that it was "only" two pages? Come on, Jake. Millar "edgily" moves forward one of his little ideas for TWO PAGES and it's still a silly, insulting idea. The Cap/Thor sequence was the ONLY one with any kind of real conflict or drama, and one per book just isn't cutting it.

"I mean, negative reviews are kinda funny for a few seconds, so I suppose you're provinding some form of entertainment, but I generally stop reading something when I become disappointed with it."

I notice you've never said that when anyone trashed a book you didn't like either. Nobody likes to see something they like shat upon. Trust me, my reviewer copies aren't hurting my wallet. And Ultimates 2 is a shit book.

1/18/2005 07:01:00 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

You get reviewer copies?

Bastard.

1/18/2005 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

You don't think I'd actually pay money for this crap do you?

1/18/2005 02:11:00 PM  
Blogger alex said...

ULTIMATES 2 is a shame. A shameful shame. To have an artist as dynamic and talented as Hitch drawing 24 pages of conversation is beyond me. I don't get it at all. Not that I need constant action, but this book is just plain DULL. The plot has advanced ere inches, and the only interesting plotline (thor crazy?) is getting dragged out like a bad soap opera. Millar is claremonting the shit out of this book.

That's a new verb, by the way: "claremonting". I will post on that now.

-a

1/18/2005 02:38:00 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

"Yes, Nick has been "cast" as Sam since issue one, "volume" one. And it was midly amusing during THAT ISSUE. Afterwards it became distracting and silly. Now we get a FULL PAGE PORTRAIT of a shitty actor who nerds love because he likes Star Wars. It didn't so much raise eyebrows this time as, "Ah, Christ, enough of this.""
Y'know, I've never found it distracting or silly, it's just the way the character looks. And I thought nerds loved him because he was Shaft.

"The Magneto siblings scene: your defense is that it was "only" two pages? Come on, Jake. Millar "edgily" moves forward one of his little ideas for TWO PAGES and it's still a silly, insulting idea. The Cap/Thor sequence was the ONLY one with any kind of real conflict or drama, and one per book just isn't cutting it."
Insulting? To who? Brothers who fuck their sisters? Do we really need to worry about insulting them?
The scene between Pym and Banner was just as important to the plot as the Cap/Thor scene, and the Iron Man scene in the beginning is VERY important for the rest of the series.

"I notice you've never said that when anyone trashed a book you didn't like either. Nobody likes to see something they like shat upon. Trust me, my reviewer copies aren't hurting my wallet. And Ultimates 2 is a shit book."
I've said it tons of times, even with books I hate or never read. Especially with the X-Books, which are all remarkably horrible, when people I know have been trashing them for like 5 issues straight, I'll tell them to drop the book. It's usually my responce when I notice anyone shitting on books for the third or fourth consecutive issue. Course, I wouldn't expect you to know this.

Either way, I thought it was a good, solid issue, with a lot of stuff going on all at once. yeah, I suppose you could knock it for not having enough fights and explosions, but hearing a criticism that consists of "not enough explodo" makes my eyes roll back into their sockets and I'm overvome with the urge to strangle things.

P.S. Although I never read the individual issues upon their initial release (mostly because the amount I care about silver age DC characters can only be viewed with an electron microscope), I shall check out the trade of New Frontier after noticing that attractive asian girls are into it.

1/18/2005 03:49:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Hm. I wouldn't exactly say that "no explodo" is my complaint, and it's condescending to say so. My complaint is that NOTHING happens, either action or real development. Characters TALK in false-clever ways. Characters are drawn to resemble movie stars. And that's IT.

It's not like Ultimates is a high-minded comic. It's a dumb-as-rocks action book, that doesn't even do THAT well.

1/18/2005 04:01:00 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

Well, I didn't mean to imply that "no explodo" was the basis for your criticism, sorry if thats what went accross.

But what would lead you to believe that the Ultimates is just a big dumb action book? Sure, volume 1 had some spectacular action scenes, but it had a lot more talking. If Volume 1 was just 13 issues of nonstop explodo, I'd understand that an issue of just talking would give you a "what the fuck?" moment, but an issue devoted to talking is pretty standard for this book.

Maybe we just have entirely different expectations for the content of the Ultimates.

1/18/2005 04:22:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Here's the thing about Ultimates: despite the amount of sitting-and-talking, it's got the intellectual accomplishment of a mid-range summer blockbuster, which is to say, jack shit. However, the blockbuster style action is saved for every few issues or so. It's not that I don't know what to expect from it, Ultimates doesn't know what it is.

And Sam Jackson isn't Shaft. Sam Jackson's the motherfucker who pretended to be Shaft when Richard Roundtree was too busy kicking ass and making sex.

1/18/2005 05:25:00 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

"It's not that I don't know what to expect from it, Ultimates doesn't know what it is."

And you do? Come on man, let's not get crazy.

1/18/2005 05:39:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Well, yeah, I do. I've got every issue and I've read it. I can analyze it. It's a whole lot of talking punctuated with action scenes. It's shock as "characterization." It's cultural references as "hipness/depth."

It's a shitty comic.

1/18/2005 05:46:00 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

I have all the issues, I've read them, and I've done analysis as well. What makes your analysis any more definitive than mine, Millar's, or anyone elses?

Or is this just one of those cases where your analysis is always preceeded by "in my opinion" and you just assume everyone just already knows this so you don't feel the need to remind anyone.

1/18/2005 06:00:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

1. If it weren't MY opinion I wouldn't bother typing it.

2. Because it is my opinion and I'm a learned master of comic critiquery, it is also fact.

3. Ultimates is a shit of a pop comic with a good artist and a starwhore burned out writer with nothing interesting left to say.

Ooooh, incest!

1/18/2005 06:11:00 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

Fair enough.



Now, completely unrelated to that, how do get a links menu on this blogger dealie? I recently started one of my own and wanted to link to various places, including this blog.

1/18/2005 06:20:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

I don't know.

1/18/2005 06:29:00 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

Crap. Cronin said to ask you.

1/18/2005 06:34:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Cunard was the one that showed me.

1/18/2005 06:41:00 PM  
Blogger Brian Cronin said...

On that same note, can I even put links up if I wanted to?

1/18/2005 06:56:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Yeah, just go to the editing stuff at blogger.

1/18/2005 06:59:00 PM  
Blogger Brian Cronin said...

All it lets me do is make posts and edit those posts.

I can't "Change Settings."

1/18/2005 07:02:00 PM  
Blogger Brad Curran said...

I thought the character material for Thor, Cap, and Iron Man in the first 6 issues or so was really strong. I'm stealing one of Joe's trademarks/cliches, but Millar made Thor and Iron Man interesting characters to me for the first time. I really liked Thor as a counterculture activist (even if Millar did little to nothing with that)who may or may not just be a nut with a hammer. The fight with the Hulk was excellent. I thought he even handled the "Hank Pym, spouse abuser" plot fairly well.

The second storyline got tedious, as the already slow pace was compounded by all the damn delays. There were fun action scenes in the last couple issues, but I wasn't nearly excited as I was with those first 6 issues or so. I haven't read the second issue of vol. 2 yet, but I thought the first issue did set up some interesting directions with Thor and Banner. I picked the second issue up today, so maybe it will be my breaking point for the book like it seems to be for Joe.

P.S. I like Sam Jackson, but not because of Star Wars. It's pretty much just Pulp Fiction, but still, I'm kind of surprised you think he's a shitty actor, Joe.
P.P.S. The tech talk at the end of thread amused me, at least as a change of pace from the "Ultimates sucks!/no it doesn't!" debate. I need sleep.

1/18/2005 11:33:00 PM  
Blogger Brad Curran said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/18/2005 11:33:00 PM  
Blogger Brad Curran said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/18/2005 11:33:00 PM  
Blogger Ed Cunard said...

Greetings and salutations, fellow dorks.

If anyone wants the easy-to-code thing I've been sending to new bloggers from CBR, e-mail me. Shit, If I can do it, anyone can. So, anyone who wants it, let me know. That goes for you too, Jake, even if I don't know you and you like The Ultimates.

For this particular collective of dorks, though... you all need to be considered "blog administrators" or something. Whoever started the actual blog needs to set everyone up as administrators under the members section in the blogger manager.

1/19/2005 08:58:00 AM  
Blogger Brian Cronin said...

So what you're saying, Ed, is that Joe has set himself up as a fascist dictator of this blog?

Sounds about right.

1/19/2005 05:19:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Rice said...

SILENCE PEONS!

There should be more pictures of me around here . . .

1/19/2005 07:41:00 PM  
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