This Comic Is Good - Fred Hembeck's Fantastic Four

A certain thing lacking a bit from comics these days is a certain aspect of fun.

You know, just good natured fun.

That's why I figured I would scrounge up Fred Hembeck's 1982 Fantastic Four roast, designed to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the Fantastic Four.

This book had pretty much every notable (and some less than notable) character in the Marvel universe, drawn by some of the biggest talents at Marvel comics at the time, from A (Brent Anderson) to Z (Mike Zeck). Oh, and also John Byrne, Frank Miller, John Buscema, Walt Simonson, Dave Cockrum, Sal Buscema, Michael Golden, Bill Sienkiewicz, John Romita Jr., Ron Wilson, Gene Day, Kerry Gammill, Mike Vosburg, Alan Weiss, Bob Layton, Jim Mooney, Dave Simons, Keith Pollard and Al Milgrom (I don't believe I missed anyone).

The jokes are not the greatest, but the book wins you over with the congeniality of the humor. That really has been Fred Hembeck's trademark over the years, and I, for one, really enjoy it.

Mocking everyone without offending anyone...the perfect roast.

Anyone else ever pick this book up?

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Here's a quick look at this week's books. There may be some spoilers mixed in here!

The Good

I really liked the first issue of Howard Chaykin and Russ Heath's Legend from Wildstorm. It was such a throwback comic, as it really read almost like a Classics Illustrated story. The comic is about a scientist who basically creates Superman. So what would Superman be like if he was created by a scientist who did not mind experimenting on his wife? And what would Superman be like if he was raised by a strict Scottish mother? And heck, what would happen if Superman was not so darn pleasant? Heath's art was impressive, and the story was good.

J. Torres has another good issue of Love As a Foreign Language with the second in a series of manga-style graphic novels from Oni Press. The story is moving very slowly, and I really did not like that we barely saw anything of the object of the hero's affection (right after basically not meeting her until the end of the first issue!), but the star of the book is interesting enough to stick around. A man teaching English in Korea, he hates it, but extended his time there to be with the shcool's new receptionist (the aforementioned person that we barely saw anything of). The protagonist here reminds me a lot of Heavy Parker from Pounded, in that, he really is not that cool of a guy, sort of a jerk, honestly. So it is a good job by Torres to make us feel for the guy, and not just hate him. In addition, Eric Kim does a good job with the art. This is a fun series.

The Bad

Age of Apocalypse One-Shot is an interesting experiment in storytelling. The entire book, save the last story, is a series of stories that fills in the blanks in the Age of Apocalypse storyline from ten years ago. Well, think about that....how silly is that?!?! "How did Colossus come to head up Generation Next?" "How did Sabretooth meet Wild Child?" "Why do we care?" The answer to all three questions should be, "We don't/shouldn't care!" That being said, none of the stories are poorly written. They're just a waste of time. It was nice to see pin-ups from the original artists on the series, including big names such as Adam Kubert, Andy Kubert, Tony Daniel and the cover by Bryan Hitch, who has come a loooong way since then (as has Carlos Pachecho, who did not contribute anything to this issue, but it is still fun to look back and see Pachecho and Hitch working on these little X-Projects, and realize where they are today).

Ultimate Spider-Man #73 is a bit misleading, as I do not know if it really belongs in the bad column (as I am avoiding placing Ultimate Iron Man #1 here), and I probably would not have mentioned it if it were not for the fact that the issue just irked me, so I place it here. We are now on the second part of the storyline. #72 was ENTIRELY exposition and setup. Then this issue came, and it's.......(wait for it)......ENTIRELY exposition and setup!!! How do you set out to write a story like this?!!? Setup....setup.....setup.....setup.....fight....send it to the TPB department! Lame.

X-Men/Fantastic Four #4 - Is Pat Lee supposed to be a hot artist? Who likes him? I have always wondered that. In any event, forgetting whether he is a hot artist, the dude totally halfasses whatever talent he DOES have in this series. This series has got to be selling decently, right? So I would think we would be hearing more complaints about it, as the guy is clearly just halfassing his artwork here, and since I am not a fan of his work to BEGIN with, halfassed/rushed Lee work is even worse, and this is what we have here. But really, though, the bigger disappointment (as, like I said, I wasn't expecting much from Lee) is Akira Yoshida. If you read Thor: Son of Asgard, you'd know that Yoshida can tell a really good story. Here, though, Yoshida is telling pretty much fan fiction. Not good stuff. And in the same week, Yoshida also wrote the similarly poor Age of Apocalypse #1, which did not serve much to to lift my estimation of Yoshida.

The Ugly

Some various "ugly" occurances during this week of comics.

1. Chris Bachalo's art on Age of Apocalypse #1. Someone really has to demonstrate to me that Mark Buckingham's inks were not responsible for Chris Bachalo becoming such a popular artist, because the down slope of Bachalo's career has entirely matched the period since Buckingham left to become a penciller. I will believe that Bachalo has decided to make his art look like this on purpose (as we have seen people like Michael Golden make similarly odd stylistic changes), but I just want to know that he IS, indeed, doing this on purpose, and it's not just the lack of Mark Buckingham on inks. Like, has he given any interviews on the subject?

2. Sachs and Violens. I thought they were dumb when PAD first introduced them in the early 90s, and I think they're equally dumb now. The issue of Fallen Angel they appeared in was pretty good, but that was in spite of them, not because of them.

3. Brent Anderson's photo references for his Rising Stars covers (as shown in the back of the last issue of Rising Stars). It was nice of him to share, but the sight of Mr. Anderson jumping in the air amidst his daughter's toys was sooo goofy.

You Decide - 2005 (March)

Here is my offer...you folks out there all pick a comic title that you think is good (let's try to keep it recent, unless it is an older story available in trade format), and I'll try to hunt down a couple of issues or a trade (no guarantees I'll find them, but I think I'll be able to do okay), read them, and put up an entry about it.

So a whole entry just on one comic that you think is cool...hopefully it will bring the attention of the two people who read this blog (plus the 6 other blog writers, so hey, that's nine possible new readers!!!).

Sound cool?

If so, then you decide!!

Webcomics: A Guide and a How-To

So I recently found links to a couple of webcomics, namely Alien Loves Predator and Order of the Stick. The first I found legitimately amusing, if more for the commentary from the artist than the actual strips, and the second just fulfilled some D&D nerd need or something. But after looking at those I started following links to other webcomics of some popularity. This, combined with my memories of Diesel Sweeties, has led me to a conclusion.

All webcomics are shitty. Also, all webcomics are exactly the same. There are certain templates to follow. Because I am awesome I will now show all of you faithful readers (or the person that came here randomly after reading the fascinating Blog of Wonders) How To Make a Webcomic.

Step One: The characters.

You have to have a horny guy. Horny guys are "hilarious." This is because they always want to do sex with girls and yet they never do. This mirrors the situations of webcomic makers and webcomic readers and most guys anywhere. That makes it relatable and funny.

You also have to have a sociopath guy. This is because webcomic people have been beaten down by life for many years and wish they could do something about it. They can't because they are webcomic people, not actual badasses. So they make up the exact same sociopath guy who either wants to kill people or does kill people in the comic. Laffs ensue.

You have to have a "hot girl." More attention will be paid into the drawing of said hot girl than all other characters combined. This hot girl will most likely be perfect in every way. She will have nothing to do with most of the characters because they want to do sex with her and she is unattainable, just like every woman in a webcomic person's life.

You should have some sort of "hilarious" genre character. This can be a robot, a pirate, a ninja, a Frankenstein, or some combination thereof. This is because everyone who reads or makes these things is just as nerdy as real comic fans and, let's face it, we love that shit. My anus tingled when I wrote the second sentence in this paragrah.

You can now fill in the rest of your cast with way too many damn people. Each of them will have one or two stock jokes that you will return to without mercy. None of them will actually be funny more than .75 times, though. Note: it is possible that sociopath guy or horny guy can be one person, or can even be female. Otherwise, though, no changes.

Step two: jokes

What are those? Those are the part at the end of your strip where one of the characters raises a sardonic eyebrow and no one laughs ever.

Step three: art

Art should be simple and easy to reproduce. In fact, the more cutting and pasting possible, the better. Really, if you could draw well you'd be doing something other than making a webcomic.

Step four: pimping

Constantly try to get more readers by begging, cajoling, bribing, and getting your friends to vote for you. Spend more time doing this than honing your "craft" or coming up with ideas that are "funny" or "original."

Step five: go somewhere without computers and never bother the rest of us again.

The end.

Subway Embarassment Comics

Living in Brooklyn with a fiancee in Manhattan, I do a lot of subway travelling. A lot. Hell, the ride to and from my comic shop is a subway-driven one. SO, with all that travel time on my hands, I tend to do some reading on the subway. But not all comics are equally readable on the subway, sadly. Some I stuff way down deep into my bag and don't even read if there's nothing else.

Now, I'm not an easily embarassed fellow. I casually wear a helmet plastered with nerdy stickers. I've performed various acts of public ridiculosity over the years and been rather happy with that. But some comics . . .yikes. Not even I will be caught with them in public. An easy example is anything with a Greg Horn cover. Even when the insides are good (Deadline) the outsides are a humiliating mess of sexual frustration.

I'd recently read a lot of online talk about Greg Pak's Phoenix book. Now, I hate me some Jean Grey but, from the sounds of it, Pak was the only X-Writer with the cajones to actually work with Morrison's changes rather than saying "NEVER HAPPENED EW DIFFERENT YUCKY!" So, yeah, the story's pretty cool, even if you hate the Phoenix.

But that ART!

Is it the name "Greg"? Because Greg Land seems just a few pervometers away from Greg Horn. About 75% of the female poses seem to be taken out of some dumb laddie mag like FHM or Maxim or Lonely Ugly Man Monthly. (On a side note, how long until all those pieces of crap die off? I guess it could be a while. Wizard is to Maxim as TCJ is to GQ and all that . . .there will always be idiots to buy crap magazines. Anyway.) "Hello, Jean Grey! How nice of you to come back from the dead and immediately start feeling yourself up!"

I started reading the things on the subway and put them away in shame. That's not good storytelling. That's not even good T&A. It's like airbrushed loneliness personified.

Three Comics I Read So That You Do Not Have To

Once again, I do my humanitarian duty by reading comics that you might not have read last week, and tell you how they were.

Batgirl #61 - I must say, I was not a fan of Anderson Gabrych's Detective Comics run, as I honestly thought it was pretty boring. Not BAD, but not interesting. So I was very impressed to see his Batgirl run begin pretty enjoyably. Gabrych was the person DC picked to explain all the horrible nonsense that made up War Games, and while I think Gabrych ultimately failed (as it was just too much nonsense for anyone to adequately explain), he also did a remarkable attempt at explaining the nonsense. Likewise, he manages to create in Batgirl a rarity in the Bat-verse, which is a straightforward, fun comic book. In this issue, Batgirl faces off against a reconstituted Brotherhood of Evil, and it is just a fun, well told comic book. Not only is the superhero stuff handled well, but Gabrych describes Batgirl's thought process well, which other writers really did not even attempt to do sometimes (remember, this Batgirl could not even read until recently, as all she was trained to do was kill). In addition, there is a scene in the comic that almost made me laugh, as the writer set up an old fashioned sub plot. It is so long since I saw an old fashioned sub plot (someone is buying up the property in the area Batgirl has moved into...who is doing it?!?) that I had to laugh when I saw it. Finally, Ale Garza's art is restrained here from some of his crazier moments on other titles, and it works well. Good stuff.

Battle Hymn #1 is a new comic from Image, written by B. Clay Moore with art by Jeremy Haun and Ande Parks. It is basically the Invaders, only in this comic universe. A group of international superheroes come together during World War II. It is, like Batgirl, a well-told story, and should be applauded for that. It is not the most original of stories (as, like I said, it is pretty much an alternate take on the Invaders), but the art is good and the characters are still interesting enough. Plus, for a first issue "setup" issue, it has a welcome amount of action in it. The take in the first issue seemed a BIT too cynical, but that may just strictly be the first issue, and I will give them the chance to turn it around in later issues (as the heroes come together as a team, I hope that they will grow as characters, especially the Captain America analogue, who is currently more a parody than anything).

Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes #8 is the final part of Joe Casey and Scott Kolins' Avengers Year One story, telling the background of the Avengers from their formation to the point where the original Avengers leave, and the Avengers become "Cap's Kooky Quartet." I feel bad saying this about a project that ooooozes care and attention for the characters and the original stories, but, well, it just was not interesting enough. I really need something a bit more than "fill in the blanks in the original stories to explain how the Avengers got security clearance" or "how did Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch REALLY get admitted to the team?" Casey writes some awesome dialogue, while nailing each character (in my opinion) perfectly, but I think he ends up faltering where Kurt Busiek did not in Untold Tales of Spider-Man (which followed a similar pattern). In Untold Tales, Busiek made it all fit, but he gave us new, fun stories. Here, Casey made it all fit, but I do not think we got new, fun stories. We got a different take on old stories which, while well-written, just weren't FUN. The fun stuff mostly happens off-panel in this series, while we get the behind the scenes discussions. A merge of the two (behind the scenes discussions plus new action scenes) would have made this a top notch series. As it were, it still has its place in Avengers lore, but the same place that those backups in the Annuals have, where they would show us what the Avengers Charter looks like, or what an Avengers membership card looks like. I liked Scott Kolins' art a lot in the series, though.

Okay, now I will mention books that I DIDN'T read last week, and you can tell me about them so I do not have to read them:

Small Gods #7
The Ride: Foreign Parts
Escapist #5
Jingle Belle #3
Ennis & Mcreas's Dicks Winter Special
Grimjack: Killer Instincts #2
Walt Disney Comics & Stories #654

Darwyn Cooke is Elijah Craig

So Silver Bullet Comics has a new interview with Darwyn Cooke up. It's good stuff, and hats off to those guys. But I want to talk about it now so here goes. See, Mr. Cooke is like Elijah Craig to me. Who's that? Christ, Google it. OK, fine. He was an early bourbon maker in my old Kentucky home. But I'm not talking about the man. I'm talking about his fine, aged single-batch bourbon. It's just like Darwyn Cooke: intoxicating, rare, and better than you can imagine. His work is just fantastic squared, from his fun Spidey one-shots to the masterful New Frontier. And his interviews are always interesting, as he never holds back or chases his comments with apologies. When he sees something that isn't good, he calls it. I love it.

On comics and the mass market:

Comic creators, editors and publishers would actually have to do their jobs — sell populist fare by the truckload that appealed to the mass market. They would have to give up this tight little circle where people care more about Bruce's feelings than they do whether there's a Batman story actually taking place. They'd have to work all ages with public light cast on the book's actual content, they'd have to compete with better written and produced entertainment from other media. Books that didn't sell would die. "Creators" who couldn't meet a monthly schedule would be restricted to specials and one-shots. Public taste and trends would have to be embraced. The precious superhero would have to share the stage with other more relevant genres like Romance, Crime, Horror, Humour and the like. Dicks like Kevin Smith would have to save their juvenile, oral-sex innuendo for something other than a mainstream DC comic.

The comic book industry in America is a cottage industry aimed at a very exclusive audience. That's why they don't sell. For 20 years, Hollywood has been making millions off comic properties and the zombies chant about how it will translate in sales... and it never does. Because the comics are cryptic, inaccessible, overpriced and aimed at anything other than a mass market.

If I could, I'd change the subtitle of our blog to that. Perfect.

This may as well have been in my cynicism post:

NASO: Why do you think deconstruction is so popular right now?

COOKE: Because its much easier to write, and it is servicing an aging, bored market that wants it.

And here's the kicker, emphasis mine:

When NF was wrapping up, my editor, Mark Chiarello, suggested that I consider a monthly. I pitched DC two ideas for a monthly I would write and draw; one involving a Spy/Espionage unit that was on the periphery of the DCU and the other was a real hard assed, straight, no chaser Batman arc where I had about six original villains I would roll out. My caveats where that I wouldn't have to contend with "event" crossovers, and that it be an A-list book. With DC's plans for the next while, there wasn't room for either of these things to happen. My plate is very full with a few other things right now, so it's all good, and Dan and I will probably talk more in the future as areas open up.

Words can't express. Darwyn Cooke pitches two ongoings and fucking Identity Countdown Crapshitty takes precedence? Oh, Didiotic DC. When will you learn? My little brain may never read these fine works now, because they didn't "fit in" with the DCU. They didn't fit in with rape and graphic babymurder. In other words, they were good. Nice going, DC Editorial. I can't wait for the wonderful things that will be there instead of these books. Let's see what secret government plant is watching superheroes, cause that's really interesting. How about all the villains get together (again)? Or maybe the Spectre will do something no one gives a shit about! MY GLEE IS OVERWHELMING!

Who Are the Six Soldiers?

Update: Had a phone conversation with Alex (from this VERY BLOG!!!) and we brainstormed some more on this stuff. Things he has added are now in italics, just like this.

Now, it's pretty clear that in addition to being a great superhero story, Grant Morrison's Seven Soldiers, number 0 at least, is some kind of metafictional comment on the genre or idea of superhero comics itself. Our entrypoint character, the new Whip, is a writer who examines what it means to be a superhero. In the midst of her study, she's become so involved that she needs to take it up to the "next level." I think she represents us as readers in that respect. We love superheroes, let's move it to something bigger. The Whip is indicitive of Chaykin's work. The first person narration, the fetish talk and costume, the self-referential and -analytical dialogue . . .there's even thick Black Kiss style-art. Chaykin characters always are in the media somehow, usually writing about themselves.

The Vigilante is the next fella we meet, and he's a real charmer. He's probably the most likable character in the book. Coming from the golden age and being almost as old as the concept itself, I think he represents superheroes. Superheroes call all these other forces together. They inspire us and focus the talents of many creators. But more on this later. Vigilante represents nostalgia as an obsession. Notice how often he looks at the photo of the old Seven Soldiers. He's likeable, yeah, but he's too obsessed with the past to actually get anything done. Also the art isn't just Moebius, it's Moebius by way of Heath or Severin.

Gimmix, I believe, is the obsession with making old new. One of the golden age's silliest ideas, a girl with a bunch of gimmicks, given facelifts and booze. She's the old concepts that barely float these days but keep getting resurrected. She's also the old creators that put on new faces for new times. I think Gimmix is an ABC Character: stylized, Sprouse-like art, tributes to the past, etc. She's got Greyshirt's jacket with [Joe is forgetting the character, the girl with the lingerie]'s stockings . . .ABC characters are light-hearted and full of gimmicks.

Boy Blue is the next generation of readers. Boy Blue doesn't care much about the history of what's going on. He doesn't care about theory, either. He wants to go out there and Do Superhero Stuff. Lose his attention with needless dialogue and he's just going to play video games. He likes superheroes, he just doesn't give a damn about old people talking about old things endlessly. Boy Blue is Image. He's young, he has no real origin or personality. He's an empty, vapid ghost suit with sunglasses and powers. He'd rather be playing games.

Dan is an interesting case. The "herovestite," I think, represents the plague of fanboys-turned-pro. He's certainly got enthusiasm. He's cashed in his entire life on his love of superheroes and now he's going to be one (or write one). And he's certainly got heart. He LOVES this. But he lacks skill. He goes for the big bang and for the obvious move. He doesn't really help anything at all. The fan pro works his ass off on making the stories he thinks everyone always wanted, but in the end, Geoff Johns isn't furthering the medium or our enjoyment in the slightest. Definitely right on there. This one's even more obvious than I, Spyder. He's this pudgy, goateed nerd who's got the toys someone else created and he doesn't really know how to use them. He wants to go to conventions. God, he even looks like one of them.

Then there's I, Spyder. As Alex said earlier, he's the Cynical Ultimate type. He's Mark Millar or Warren Ellis. Disdainful of the whole superhero thing, but look at him. He's a combination of a golden age archer and frickin' I, Vampire. Fanboy noodling justified with tattoos and cigarettes. Innocuous concepts "updated" with a sneer. Rockstar pros without rockstar talent. The Whip (and therefore the reader) is repulsed and fascinated by him, hence our love-hate relationship with this sort of character, creator, and material. Sure, it's a bit sexier, but what do we gain from the relationship? Nothing. He particularly seems like the early 2000s Ellis revamps. Think Counter-X. Bullshit mysticism paired with macho posturing. Totems ant tattoos.

In the book, Vigilante (The Idea of Superheroes) brings all these forces together. They all want to be a part of his thing. They all want superheroics. But they don't get over their flaws. They win the meaningless battle, they tell the small story everyone's seen before. But when The Actual New comes, they're slaughtered. Will this metaphor hold up as the books progress? Will it fade only to return in the other bookend? It's hard to say. Will Seven Soldiers represent How To Help Superhero Comics while saving the world? Or is this just a keen set-up? Knowing Morrison, this and other layers of symbolism (one early panel actually has the phrase "Why all the symbolism?") will slowly be revealed. Let's just hope we, the readers, have fates more prosperous than our symbolic counterpart.

AND one new updated thought from me. The Seven Unknown Men . . .bald men creating new heroes, trying to save the DCU. At the end, they have seven gift boxes, each with something representing the next seven minis (Shining Knight's Tunic, etc). I don't know how I missed it before, these guys are Grant Morrison. Or King Mob. Or Professor X. Hypertime strikes again.

Cynics: Wah-Wah Crybaby Losers

When was it that comic fans and writers first came to the idea that cynicism was the smart, hip, cool thing? Was it when so many completely missed the points of Watchmen and DKR? Was it when Wolverine and the Punisher became names as big as Captain America and Iron Man (or bigger)? I don't know and I don't really care. All I know is that cynicism is for petulant children and it's time to wipe it out.

Don't get me wrong. Naïveté is childish. Naïveté is the Child, but cynicism is the Child Without Charm. It's the toddler first denied a desire. It's the junior high nerd who sees Cute Suzie preferring Hot Steve, and KNOWS that something is wrong with the world. Cynicism is a stage in human development when we learn some primary selfishness. And it IS a vital stage. But it's one the healthy person moves past when the time comes. And it's one to which far too many cling. Now, clearly I'm not addressing the whole big world here, but it's something I see as rampant in comics, both in fandom and in professional circles.

Cynicism is easy. It's easy to do dark without hope. It's easy to tear things apart and leave them that way. It's easy to depress or to use tragedy to pull heartstrings. More difficult is genuine observation and genuine work. Yes, the world is inherently flawed. Yes, people are, too. BUT you keep working. A Real Man or Real Woman doesn't sit there and bemoan his/her shitty life; doesn't simply sit and snark about the inevitable pitfalls. You find a way to keep going. You don't fall back to naïveté or cynicism, because you're a grown-up now and it's time to see reality in more than one dimension.

What cracks me up is how all the main inspirations for this stuff in comics are totally non-cynical. Bruce's smile at the end of DKR. The Dan/Laurie love in Watchmen. Logan's (James'?) hopeless romanticism. As usual, though, when less talented people try to imitate more talented people, they screw it all up.

If you're a "kewl" fan or pro who wears his smirk like a badge and uses spoiled cynicism as a way too feel grown up, knock it off. You're not fooling me; you're not fooling anyone except the other children in the sandbox. Find the good with the bad, the hope within failures, and the beauty within tragedy. It's harder, but nobody said being a grown up reader or artist would be easy.

Comic Dictionary - Snowball Idea

A snowball idea is based on the premise of a snowball, rolling down the hill. It starts off as a tiny little snowball, but as it keeps rolling and rolling, it keeps adding more and more snow, until it is one gigantic snowball, and when it hits, it is a big mess.

It applies to comics (and movies and TV and everyday life) in much the same way.

Someone will suggest something, often not even being serious. The idea then is sent down the hill, and if no one cuts it off, it just keeps adding snow and gaining momentum until it is so big that NO one can stop it.

Grant Morrison's "Batman protocols" (and the Marvel equivalent, the "Xavier protocols") is a perfect example.

Once Morrison brought the idea up in a Wizard JLA special, you KNEW the idea would be used by SOMEone later on, you just did not know where and by who.

It was a snowball idea.

A current snowball idea is the whole "return of Jason Todd" idea. Once Loeb brought it up in Hush, even if he meant it as something to not be taken seriously, it began its snowball trip. When it will hit and make a big mess is the only question now...