Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Current Comic Conversation - Ultimate Colossus

Jake and I had a little conversation the other day at Comic Book Resources regarding Ultimate Colossus and his sexuality, and I figured I'd share the convo with you folks (Warning! Profanity follows!). Enjoy!

Brian: WHAT

THE

FUCK?!?!

ULTIMATE COLOSSUS IS GAY?!?!?

Jake: IT TOTALLY RUINS THE COMIC!!!

Everyone knows that a big, strong, masculine MAN like COLOSSSUS can't be GAY!

It's so STUPID!

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUIN MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS???

Brian: Not only that.

I mean, THAT'S bad, but here's what's worse.

IT'S A FUCKING ALL AGES COMIC BOOK!!

WHAT

THE

FUCK?!?!?!?!

How is Ultimate X-Men NOT a MAX title...there's a goddamn HOMO in the book!!!

Brian: Actually, fuck THAT!!

MAX is not a good enough warning sign, as MAX could mean some nice lady boobies, which is good.

Marvel should have a NEW warning system for their comics!

A big Q for QUEER!

THAT would help me buy my comics and help warn the poor children who have to get exposed to this FILTH!!

Jake: FUCK ALL THAT!

The comic should be BANNED and not sold ANYWHERE until they make the MASCULINE, MANLY COLOSSUS STRAIGHT LIKE HE SHOULD BE!!

Brian: THINK ABOUT IT!

The dude is made out of METAL!

METAL!!

METAL!

The most ungay thing in all of God's creation!!

Jake: GOD CREATED COLOSSUS TO BE STRAIGHT AND MANLY AND HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN LIKE KITTY PRYDE.

NOT NORTHSTAR!!!!

I just can't accept anything GAY like that!! It's not what I want to see!!

Brian: Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE!

It's Piotr and Katya, not Piotr and Logan!!!

Thank you, folks, we'll be here all week.

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26 Comments:

Blogger Chris Griswold said...

FUNNY!

2/21/2006 05:49:00 PM  
Blogger Apodaca said...

Exactly!

2/21/2006 07:01:00 PM  
Anonymous thekamisama said...

What is really funny is that this same exact conversation is going on on some message board somewhere. Only thing is the guys doing that conversation are actually serious.

(I really like the Kitty Pryde bit, just for the obvious irony that the X-men fans who will go ape-shit nuts over "Gay Colossus", never seemed to have a problem with him having a relationship with an underage girl for years.)

2/21/2006 07:32:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Where ya been, Cronin? The whole steel industry's gay.

2/21/2006 07:33:00 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

like in that SIMPSONS episode where bart revealed his gender confusion to homer, who then proceeded to re-masculate him through male iconic images, culminating on a trip to the steel mill, where the workers suddenly burst to disco-dancing to the OST of saturday night fever, as one steel worker quips "we work hard and WE PLAY HARD!"

even my word verification is a bit gay: "ceiihyey"

2/21/2006 08:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you think of Gay Hulk?

He's pink.

He's no Handsome Hulk, if you ask me.

2/21/2006 09:29:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

That?

Was funny.

Word verification: "agpall"

I am absolutely agpalled that Colossus' sexuality is the most interesting thing about the X-Men these days.

2/21/2006 09:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's hysterical. Especially the Pryde bits.
True story, I had a girlfriend once who was a fan of X-Men Evolution and thought Nightcrawler and Kitty Pryde should be dating. I said "Kitty Pryde belongs with Colossus". She said "Who's Colossus?". I should've known then and there we weren't right for each other...
My thinking was always that the main story isn't that Colossus is gay. It's that Colossus has a crush on a heterosexual womanizer who's a badass assassin that Piotr has almost no chance with. THAT's a funny idea in and of itself, and puts someone other than Wolverine in the role of being lovelorn and spurned by a teammate. Like most X-plots though, I'm betting this will be understated or never touched on at all.

2/21/2006 10:44:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Griswold said...

WHOAH!

Instead of Colossus being gay, it should have been Kitty Pryde!

Get it? GAY PRYDE!!!!1

WHOOOOOAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

2/22/2006 01:38:00 AM  
Blogger Apodaca said...

Gay Pryde would have been genius.

2/22/2006 02:15:00 AM  
Blogger Chad said...

You guys forgot:

"What the FUCK? Ultimate Colossus is a polesmoker? A nancy boy? A friend of dorothy? A buttbanging cossack homofag?

No fuckin' way.

That's TOTALLY out of character. I mean, Colossus is all about the sweet, sweet woman parts. His heavy metal johnson likes to go swimming in the dark Pryde pools, man, not get trapped in the Wolverine ravine.

But I don't want you to thyink I'm homophobic. But comics ain't no place for queers, man. Especially when characters like Colossus are involved, characters with a long history of being normal."

2/22/2006 05:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Al from Italy said...

Simply it's not a good idea change the sexuality of a "historic" character... it has non sense...

And next will be an Alternate X-Men with all gay characters? Wolverine: gay, Nightcrawler: gay, Storm: gay, Ice Queen: gay, Cyclops: gay... no maybe he is too straight to be gay in any universe...

2/22/2006 06:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Brad said...

"Simply it's not a good idea change the sexuality of a "historic" character... it has non sense..."

They didn't change the historic characterization of Colossus as a heterosexual character. This is a different guy. They come in a six pack now. Straight Colossus, gay Colossus, bi-sexual Colossus, and my favorite, straight but experimented a lot in college Colossus. But really, it's an alternate reality story. If Earth-2 Superman can be a crochety old man, why can't Ultimate Universe Colossus prefer the company of men (and don't we all?).

"Storm: gay"

There's been lesbian subtext with Storm for years, especially in her relationship with Yukio. Her being gay is more "in character" than her marrying the Black Panther, I'd say.

2/22/2006 02:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Brad said...

In other words, you don't even know what you're afraid of anymore, al from Italy!

2/22/2006 02:45:00 PM  
Blogger Apodaca said...

Why is it so utterly impossible for some people to understand the whole concept of the Ultimate line?

2/22/2006 08:23:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Because people are stupid.

2/22/2006 09:16:00 PM  
Blogger Chad said...

The Ultimate line is stupid.

2/22/2006 09:32:00 PM  
Anonymous arizonateach said...

The whole Ultimate line was ruined for me when it turned out that Bucky didn't die in WWII. I mean, really, WTF? What kind of Colossus-boy dreamed THAT up? And can you imagine if they tried to pull that in the real Marvel Universe?

2/22/2006 10:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Al from Italy said...

Dear all...
I know what is the Ultimate Universe... (maybe was better ask me before a "Why is it so utterly impossible for some people...")...

I put the "historic" in bracket, maybe I was not so clear... I know it's a different guy, but I know also that he is not so different because he is called Colossus by the other X-Men, he has the powers of Colossus and he is recognized by the readers(and writers...) as Colossus... so why he is different in his sexuality? Only because who writes him thinks it's a bright idea...
but I don't think it's a bright idea...

Yes, if you have an alternate universe (a "what if" universe little or big), you can change everything, the little or the big things... yes, you can have a "good" Luthor, a different Superman... a Wolverine for every season... you can play with everything, but I think that if you want a good alternate universe it must be coherent...
there is a cause and there is an effect... nothing that appears magically in the air...

Why he is gay?
To be gay is genetic? So why he is different only in that? Why there is only that random difference and not others? Why is not hysteric, or bad or introverst?
To be gay is the result of your life? The result of who you meet? of your choices in life? I don't remember any of that in the (Ultimate) comics...
One don't wakes up in the morning and magically is gay!

2/23/2006 07:06:00 AM  
Blogger Apodaca said...

Calling Ultimate Colossus' sexuality the only difference from the MU version is ignorant, willfully or otherwise.

I don't seem to remember the MU Colossus being involved in the Russian mob at all. Yet, I don't see anybody complaining about that ruining his character.

Because organized crime is kewl!

2/23/2006 05:49:00 PM  
Blogger Bully said...

No, because organized crime is gay.

What--you've never heard of the Velvet Mafia?

2/24/2006 12:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, this is SO STUPID!! So what if he's gay?! It doesn't change who he is as a person. Lex Luthor, he's evil and yet people like him. Here, one guy is gay and he's hated for all eternaty? COME ON PEOPLE!! It doesn't matter whether or not he is. I know I sound like a really annoying person, someone people like you say "make the fags out there", but come on.

Who would you rather have for a friend, a nice homosexual guy who respects who you are, or a mean, straight rapist who doesn't give a fuck if you get hurt? People have been gay for a very long time. Look at the roman gods, there have been gay relations in there.

Just think for a second and don't blab. Think like a neutral person, not a straight gay basher. If he's gay, so what. It doesn't change the fact that he's a superhero, does it? It doesn't matter if he preffers men over women, right? esides, leaves more women for the rest of the straight ones, right?

Also, I take great offense when people like you reffer to homosexuals as "queers" or "faggots" or fags", and so forth. And if they were to make a symbol like that, it would be a H, not a Q.

P.S. You guys make me sick.

7/24/2006 06:28:00 PM  
Blogger Justin Blade said...

Brian, Jake... those remarks really, really hurt. The whole point of X-men is that if you're different, it's ok. If you're a "mutant" like if you're a "nerd", or "misunderstood", or a "jew", or yes, "gay" like myself and many, many, many, many, X-men fans and X-men actors (Ian McKellen who plays Magneto in the X-men movies).

The stories are about people hating on mutants and vice versa and those great, true heros called the X-men that try to have some compassion and create unity and live together. So please, don't hurt your fellow mutants. No mutant bashing, no gay bashing, no bashing and hate. Who wants that? And if you want to quote God you're absolutely right many people view it as wrong and and entitled to that opinion and those translations of Biblical passages, but it amazes me considering there was not even a word or gay or homosexual till very recently and more important of all Jesus came to teach love, not hate, not even on prostitues and sinners.

1 John 4:5
"But anyone who does not love does not know God - for God is love."

If you know love, you know Jesus... if what you have is hate for people who are different "mutants, gay".... hate isn't God... it's the opposite.

Buzz me/read my blog if you like and God Bless.

9/08/2006 04:53:00 AM  
Blogger Justin Blade said...

One more thing.

"Mutants" come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. "Gays" do too.

Many gay guys are masculine, tough and muscular (non-effeminate gay guys very often push for this ideal far, far more often than straight guys do - check the statistics) and many are more aggressive than Colossus, more like Wolverine.

I can be like that, but a closer to home example are the many gay Harley-Davidson bikers. But I wouldn't advise gay bashing them...

"What about it bub!?" *snink*

Being effeminate is completely different from being gay, just look at some straight men who are effeminate.

Besides it shouldn't make a difference if you're feminine or masculine. People are people and all deserve respect, men and women, gay and straight.

But it's illogical to think being masculine makes you straight. Which is more masculine than two buff hunks grunting and groaning? or a guy buying flowers for his girlfriend, walking around with flowers, having to watch what he says around her, beg her for x,y,z, and be "sensitive" saying "no, your not fat" etc.

I have no problem with women and they deserve respect and there's nothing wrong with doing any of the above. But don't hold some false claim to masculinity when many straight guys like womenly floral perfumes, long hair and makeup when two masculine gays are have don't have no feminine fluff, just hard masculine sweat, aggression, gruff, now and no nonsense, no games. Which is more masculine?

9/08/2006 05:39:00 AM  
Anonymous jatman92 said...

to those who say or imply that gay people r only effeminate and helpless: U DONT HAVE ENOUGH KNOWLEGE OF PEOPLE OR THIS SUBJECT 2 TAKE PART. SO FIND SOME GOOD AND NOT OVERUSED ARGUMENTS AND MEET MORE PEOPLE. THEN MABYE UR OPINIONS WONT B WORTH JACK!

N U F F S A I D

10/29/2006 08:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Ward Bond said...

if you guys don't see the entire concept of the "mutant movement" as a metaphor for the "gay movement" or the "Civil Rights" movement of the 60's then you are not paing much attention to what you are reading... do you think it is a coincedence that the way Mutants are treated by "normal" people in the comics is very similar to the way "normal" people treat homosexuals ..and the way some mutants keep thier identity hidden is very similar to the way homosexuals often "hide in the closet". Open your eyes.

Comics are used to push conceptual boundrys and use bright pictures and flashy imagery to distract you...but I guess you saw through it this time. hahahahhahahaha

12/14/2006 11:13:00 PM  

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