What I bought - 11 January 2006

January - the month to cull the herd! Let it begin! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

This week: some titles might not make the cut. An issue angers me a lot more than it probably should. One of my favorite titles stumbles, while another of my favorite titles comes to an end (with a promise of resurrection - hallelujah!). I fearlessly question the writing of a very good writer, one who could kick my ass if he felt like coming to Arizona - which he won't. It's all here, gentlemen and ladies!

DMZ #3 by Brian Wood and Riccaro Burchielli
$2.99, DC/Vertigo
 
 
"On The Ground," the initial introductory storyline, concludes with kind of a whimper, but it's appreciated because it's only three issues long. This allows the discriminating reader to decide in less time than usual whether he or she wants to continue. Well, I think I'm going to jump the ship on this sucker. It's just not doing it for me. The premise isn't terribly original, the characters aren't terribly interesting, and although I like the interaction between, say, Matt and Zee, I don't find either of them all that memorable, so what's the point? From Matt's inner monologue at the end of the book, it sounds like this may be the kind of series that wanders all over New York, and Matt learns a little bit about the DMZ at each place he goes. Meh. This issue, meanwhile, is just there. The army busts into Manhattan, kills some people, loses some people, and Matt decides to stay in New York instead of using his Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card. It's disappointing, because I had high hopes for the series and enjoyed the first issue, but its quality has dipped in the last two. It's not a horrible book by any means, but it's just not that interesting. Sorry, Brian. I still like Local!

Daughters of the Dragon #1 (of 6) by Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray, and Khari Evans
$2.99, Marvel
 
 
Okay, this issue made me angry. I might go all high-and-mighty liberal telling y'all what to think, but bear with me, please. First, the book:

Misty and Colleen are trying to find four bad guys. Said bad guys are goofballs of the Marvel U. - Humbug, Freezer Burn, Whirlwind, and 8-Ball (I love 8-Ball!). They decide to find Freezer Burn first, because they know where he might be - with his girlfriend, who's the mother of his kid. The problem is, those four goofballs stole something from a publisher who is willing to kill them to get it back - they were just stealing jewelry and didn't realize they took anything else. Shit hits the fan, and Misty and Colleen find themselves in the middle of it.

It has a lot of potential, and it is, in spots, a lot of fun. Well, not the killing part. But still. The idea that goofy villains bite off more than they can chew is always nice to see, and the fact that Misty and Colleen are going to have to pull their fat out of the fire is a nice set-up for future issues. I probably won't be around, however, because this issue made me angry.

I don't know if anyone has been keeping up with the whole thing about sexual harassment in comics and Lea Hernandez's decision to stop working in comics. I would link to the various articles, but there have been a lot of them, and When Fangirls Attack is keeping up with them. Anyway, it's fascinating. So maybe I'm just being all sensitive to these sorts of things these days, but the whole ickiness of this issue bugged me.

First, let's look at the cover. Yes, there's nothing drooling fanboys like more than sexy chicks holding weapons, but this one is kind of weird. What's up with the guy with the rubber ball strapped in his mouth? Weird. I bet that guy digs it, though. Eeeewwww.

Anyway, Misty has some breasts on her. Yes, I've harped on breasts before, but check these out:

The art in the book is a bit weird (I generally like it - it's got a Pander Bros. kind of thing going on), so that's not the most egregious thing in the book, but they're sure bizarre-looking. You can't look away!

Then Colleen shows up:

Now, this isn't an "all-ages" book (it could be, with a few tiny minor changes), but this is a bit excessive, isn't it? The jumpsuit is fine, but the two ladies are out fighting the Rhino (we'll get to him), and isn't Colleen just a teeny bit frightened she might just, you know, pop out? And way to make sure we're all looking at her nipples, too. That's classy.

Colleen is standing on the Rhino's hand (his last name is O'Hirn?) because she just drove Misty's Mustang onto his head (which is pretty funny - a good deal of this book is fun). The Rhino throws the car off of him and attacks!
 
 
Nothing wrong with that, right? Yeah, it's a fine page, nothing offensive here. Except:
 
 Rhino is wearing shorts! Dear God, you have to be joking. He's already wearing a suit, but because it covers him completely, people might think it's his skin, so quick - put some shorts on him! So, let's review: it's okay for Misty and Colleen to be, quite literally, busting out of their clothes, but the Rhino needs shorts. Somebody shoot me.

Then we are introduced to our villainess, Ricadonna (I don't know if it's her first name or her last, or if it's her only name). She's having a party. Now, she runs a publishing empire - she's not a high-class whore. Keep that in mind as you check out her party clothes, in contrast to the people around her:

What. The. Fuck. Seriously. Again, I don't mean to be a prude, but what the fuckin' fuck?!?!?!? And because that's not enough, on the next page she disrobes:

That's pretty unnecessary, if you ask me. I believe the word is "gratuitous."

So Misty and Colleen decide to track down Freezer Burn. Under the category "Too Much Information," Palmiotti and Gray decide to reveal something about Misty we didn't need to know:

I have to call bullshit here. Yes, it's a comic, so realism shouldn't be that big of an issue, but are you telling me she runs around in that outfit and has nothing protecting her delicate parts? Give me a break. This panel is just more puerile crap.

The ladies go to Freezer Burn's girlfriend's apartment. Freezer Burn is apparently a stand-in for comic book nerds everywhere. Here he is, getting beaten up by the bad guy Ricadonna hired:

Now, I'm sure Freezer Burn is a nice guy and all, but there's no way he's getting a girl like this:

Also, not to delve into realism again and not to be too icky and scare all you happy bachelors out there, but that girl recently gave birth. Not to get too specific, but after a woman gives birth, she doesn't look like that. There are consequences to pushing a kid out of a small opening. Anyway, that was just a minor thing, but it bugged me.

Finally, the issue ends with some bad guy (I assume I should know who he is, but I guess I'm not as much of a Marvel Drone as I should be) threatening Freezer Burn's baby. This was the final straw as far as I'm concerned, but not for the reasons you think. Threaten kids all you want, Palmiotti and Gray! I'm fine with it! However, you and I both know there is NO WAY that kid dies, so it's an empty, meant-to-tug-at-our-emotions-cheaply threat. In entertainment, kids and pets simply do not die. (The most obnoxious example of this is Independence Day, when God forbid that damned dog dies in the tunnel but nobody has a problem with killing thousands of humans, including poor Mary McDonnell and Harvey Fierstein.) So there is not threat here, which renders the cliffhanger ending worthless. Boo!

Am I thinking too much? Should I just let it go? Is this just mindless entertainment and I shouldn't make such a big deal about it? I don't know. I don't know if we should hold creators responsible for creating this culture where women are objectified even when they're supposed to be in charge. There's no reason why these things I've pointed out have to be in this book. It would still be enjoyable without them - in fact, in my case, the book would be a lot more enjoyable without them. I don't know. I don't think I'll buy the rest of the mini-series, because all this stuff bothered me enough so that I wasn't able to enjoy the story. Am I crazy?

Desolation Jones #5 by Warren Ellis and J.H. Williams III
$2.99, DC/Wildstorm
 
 
This might be sacrilege to some, but I'm thinking of dropping DJ as well. Again, it's a decent enough book, but I'm not sure I'm enjoying it as much as I should. The culling continues!

In this issue, Ellis basically recaps what has happened in the previous four issues. This in itself is a bit of a problem, because it means that Ellis realizes that having Williams draw this so lovingly (and it's gorgeous) while having a meandering plot like it does means that we're going to lose the thread. I assume he's going to wrap things up next issue, and when that happens, I will sit down and read the first six issues in one sitting, and see where we go from there. It just seems like this is a whole shitload of sound and fury. I'm also tired of Ellis pulling his Mary Jane thing (that's what it's called, right, Brian?). When Jones tells Robina about killing a girl with his bare hands, we're supposed to get all choked up about it, but we've read it before in Ellis books, and like threatening a kid, it no longer has an effect on us. Ellis, it seems, thinks his protagonists are all noble souls who have done reprehensible things but are now trying to make up for them because they still have a conscience. Michael Jones = Richard Fell = Spider Jerusalem = Jenny Sparks. Sure, they all have differences, but they're essentially the same. The reason I actually like Richard Fell is because he doesn't seem to have the "balls" of a typical Ellis character - and by that I mean he's not as self-assured as they project, even though they're all wounded deeply anyway.

I'm probably not making any sense. This book seems to want to be about something different than it should be, and provide Ellis with yet another place where he can vicariously live through his heroes (not that he wants to be Jones, necessarily, but I think he wants to live in a world like the one he writes). Sigh. We'll see after next issue.

Fables #45 by Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, Steve Leialoha, and Andrew Pepoy
$2.75, DC/Vertigo
 
 
One of my favorite titles hits a bit of a snag this issue, which I think must wrap up the d'jinn storyline. Why do I only think this? Because there's really no clear signal from the creators. I admire Willingham's ability to keep a lot of balls in the air and make each thread a part of a bigger tapestry, but it would be nice to know that next issue we're going to be focusing on something completely different. This issue kind of meanders along, as Yusuf suffers horribly at the hands of the d'jinn, Sinbad learns his fate for bringing the d'jinn to Fabletown in the first place, Boy Blue discovers what his tasks will be at the Farm, Bagheera gets all the good lines, King Cole goes to Iraq and is introduced to the real Baghdad, and then the issue ends on a weird note. I'm not kidding - this is the last page:

It's like Willingham was in the middle of writing something twice as long and said, "Whoops! Here I am on Page 22. The end." Strange. And we never do find out if the d'jinn went back in the bottle, which is why I can only assume the "Arabian Nights (And Days)" story is over.

As usual when there's a weaker issue of Fables, I'm willing to forgive it because I know when I sit down and read the whole damned series it will flow fine, but this was a weird way to finish. Willingham is turning into Bendis - setting up stories well but finishing them poorly. Don't be Bendis, Willingham!

She-Hulk #4 by Dan Slott and Scott Kolins
$2.99, Marvel
 
 
She-Hulk #4 is a nice, self-contained issue that manages to explain what happened to Jennifer after her last title got cancelled and tie into the events of the larger Marvel U., as well as present a nice little murder mystery in the bargain. Not bad. Not bad at all.

It's a flashback issue, as Jennifer thinks about going back to the town in Idaho that she destroyed last year while rampaging around. I'm not familiar with the story, but apparently it's pretty important. It doesn't matter, however, because Slott does a fine job summarizing the events. Jennifer feels guilty about destroying the town, so she hooks up with "Green Cross," a charity organization devoted totally to help out sites destroyed by the Hulk. This is an idea so brilliant it staggered me, but Slott makes it sound like it's just sitting around and anyone could have picked it up (the best ideas always are, I guess). While digging through the wreckage, a body is discovered. This really makes Jen crazy, because she didn't think anyone died. She does say something ridiculous, though - that no one has ever died in a Hulk attack. I'll forgive Slott for that, I guess (and for his use of the word "apagogic," which I had to look up). She investigates the death, and learns that all is not what it seems. We also learn some other secrets, especially about the founder of the Green Cross, which, if it ties into continuity in any way (I don't know - can anyone help me?), is a very cool thing. If it doesn't, well, it's still a nice idea by Slott.

The interesting thing about this book is that it's not funny in the least. More than that, it's not really "fun," like this book usually is. That's not a big deal, because I don't mind seriousness, especially if it's done well. Jen is unable to turn into She-Hulk, and Doc Samson tells her she will when the time is right. She finds the right time, but it's not when you might expect. There's also, as I mentioned, a murder mystery, and shockingly enough, there are enough clues for us to solve it on our own. I always appreciate that.

A very nice book. If you don't read She-Hulk, you can pick it up and give it a try without worrying about stepping into the middle of a story. Kolins' art is fine - I'm not his biggest fan, but it's pretty good. I still hope Bobillo is back next issue, when Jen takes off with her mystery Avenger (someone else I don't know, but probably should).

Small Gods #12 by Jason Rand and Juan E. Ferreyra
$2.99, Image
 
 
Small Gods comes to an end as an ongoing with the conclusion of the "Nightingale" story, which ends pretty much as it has to, but that doesn't mean it doesn't pack an emotional punch. Michael and Crissy face off at the end, and Crissy seems to have the upper hand, and then Michael has it, but in the end, we're left wondering who really did. It's just another nice issue from this team in a string of excellent ones.

For those who didn't buy this, well, shame on you, but wait! in March there will be a two-issue mini-series, in color, to tempt you. If you were daunted by the black-and-white, or you missed the early issues of this title and didn't want to jump in halfway, check it out. Only two issues! What will it hurt?

Ultimate Extinction #1 (of 6) by Ellis and Brandon Peterson
$2.99, Marvel
 
 
Whoo-hoo! It's the third mini-series about Ultimate Galactus! Maybe Peterson will be able to draw the whole thing! Wouldn't that be a hoot?

Okay. My new policy for mini-series, since I read far too many of them. I will read the first issue. I will decide if I like it enough to get the rest. I will then buy the issues but not read them. When it's done, I'll read them all. Yes, some minis will plummet in quality, but that's the chance I take. I will let you know if the first issue is any good, but after that, you're on your own. Except when I tell you if the inevitable trade paperback is worth it.

So. Ultimate Extinction. The final battle against Gah Lak Tus. The first half of this book is exposition, with Reed Richards explaining how the big creature works. Nasty. Ellis is always good at explaining how something will kill everything else. But, of course, because this is an Ellis book, we have ... superfluous panels!

Do we really need these? This is not a main book - it's a mini-series with guest stars. Give us non-stop action, Warren! Okay, it's a small nit, but given this "event's" track record (entire issues in which nothing happens) , I thought I'd point it out.

The second half of the book stars Ultimate Misty Knight (she's everywhere!) tracking down a religious cult leader who seduces rich women and steals their money. I suppose the leader turns out to be Ultimate Archangel, but who the hell knows. Anyway, I'm sure it will be connected to Gah Lak Tus in some bizarre, Ellisian way. That's cool.

I'm a fan of Peterson, so I like the art. The shading is nice, too - it looks rougher than his usual stuff, especially when Misty is doing her thing, which matches the tone of that part of the book.

I'm in it for the long haul. I have been for a while. Call me a sucker. Go ahead!

Ultimate X-Men #66 by Robert Kirkman, Tom Raney, and Scott Hanna
$2.50, Marvel
 
 
The Kirkman era begins on Ultimate X-Men with "Date Night," which is a lot more ambitious than it sounds. Kirkman dives right in, juggling several vignettes as the X-Men go their separate ways for a night, but you can sense he has some ideas about where he's going, which is nice.

The main story, I hope, will deal with Jean and her Phoenix power. As you can see by the cover, this might not be too big a leap, but it's nice to see that at least some X-Men (Wolverine, in particular) are aware that Jean is manipulating them, and it appears they might be ready to confront her. We'll see. Meanwhile, Charles has a date with ... well, I won't ruin it. Someday I'll post about the "failure" of the Ultimate line, and Xavier's date is symptomatic of that. Meanwhile (I told you there were a lot of vignettes!), Kurt and Peter visit Alison in the hospital, and Kurt doesn't like hanging out with the homo. I always love when, in entertainment, oppressed minorities have their own prejudices. It's interesting, and I hope Kirkman does something with it. Meanwhile, Bobby and Rogue ... get it on. Somehow. Something to do with Rogue having absorbed Gambit's powers. Again, I don't mean to be prudish, but how old are they? Rogue, I guess, is old enough to get into a casino (wasn't she in one in the Annual?), but maybe she just looks older. Bobby is still a teenager. Yes, teenagers have raging hormones, and if Rogue threw herself at me when I was a teenager I certainly wouldn't say no, but I'm not a teenager any more, and if they're going to jump into bed I hope Kirkman at least acknowledges that it might not be the best idea. I'm still uncomfortable with Jean screwing Logan during Millar's run, so this development bugged me. I do like that Bobby is sort of screwing Gambit as well. Run with that, Kirkman!

Not a bad beginning after Vaughan's excellent run. I was a bit trepid about the new creative team (well, not Raney, because I like him, even though his art seems rushed here a bit), but it's a good start. We'll see how Kirkman continues next time.

Man. That's a lot of blather about comics. Sorry for the ranting. Feel free to tell me how stupid or overly sensitive or politically correct I am!

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