Even Mini-Series Designed To Clear the Slate for a New Ongoing Series Should Be Good

Our own Pól Rua had a comment on this here blog about Green Lantern: Rebirth when it came out that I liked a lot.

The blog entry is no longer here, but I managed to save Pól's comment, which I like so much that I think it is worthwhile to reprint it here for both your reading pleasure and also for posterity.

Green Lantern Rebirth sucks because it panders.

Now, now, comics have been pandering for a long time.

A nice example of pandering done right was that silly-arse Arthur Adams thing where the Fantastic Four were replaced by Spider-Man, Ghost-Rider, Wolverine and the Hulk... and then went on to fight giant monsters on Monster Island or whatever.

Basically, pandering to Art Adams' desire to draw Superheroes fighting giant monsters and pandering to the fanboys' desire to see the aforementioned commercialest comic book heroes in the world all fighting giant monsters for no readily apparent reason.

The reason it worked is that it knew it was stupid.

It pulled the piss on itself constantly and self-referentially.

It was good dumb fun.

This Rebirth crap on the other hand is NOTHING BUT PANDERING.

It sounds like what happens when you get a bunch of whining HEAT-babies, cram them into a sack for a week, squeeze it and drink the juice. Nothing but puerile, half-arsed deus ex machina bullcrap with no story, no plot, no characterization.

Well, shit, we don't need any of that hifallutin' bollocks as long as Hal never really killed nobody.

Bullshit.

It's a story.

It needs plot, characterization, all that stuff.

Otherwise, it's not a story... it's a footnote.

It's an essay.

"Write in 3000 words or less why Hal Jordon is a good man who never killed nobody. Answers by the end of the day."

I work in a comic shop. There are a zillion people who come through the door every day who can tell me about the minute details of Hal Jordon's life and history, but they're not writing Green Lantern... and why not? Because they're not writers.

They're boring, obsessive, anal fanboys who wouldn't know how to tell a story if it came up to them and clubbed the shit out of them with a lump of two by four with a nail in it.

Explain to me why someone got PAID for Rebirth?

I particularly love the bit where he says, "It needs plot, characterization, all that stuff. Otherwise, it's not a story... it's a footnote. It's an essay. 'Write in 3000 words or less why Hal Jordon is a good man who never killed nobody. Answers by the end of the day.'"

That, to me, summed up Rebirth so extremely well.

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