Sunday, April 23, 2006

One thing I wonder about the Illuminati

Not the secret group that runs the world, mind you, but the one that runs the Marvel Universe. How is Black Bolt a member? He can't talk! What does he do at the meetings? Just hang out? Is he their secretary? Does he take down their minutes? How much of a bitch must it be to travel from the moon to their meetings? I mean, I quit the English Honors Society at my college because meetings were an hour out of my way. That commute must be a real bitch.

That said, I can understand Black Bolt's position in that group, because I spent most my time at those meetings not saying anything. And wearing a tuning fork on my forehead. No one talked like any of Bendis's characters, mind you. And it was all women. And the most important thing we did was plan fundraisers. We didn't start a civil war between members of the honors society. That's one of my big regrets in life. But otherwise, I can totally relate to Black Bolt's position in the Illuminati. That kind of character identification was the hallmark of the old school Marvel Comics, and its nice to see Bendis keeping it alive to this day, even in the midst of a 492 part crossover which will rock the Marvel Universe to its core and surely crack in half this time, I bet.

Really, I'm just impressed that there's one character in a Bendis comic that can't yack your head off. Well, he can, but you get what I'm saying. Hey! Maybe that's why Bendis chose him! So he can have someone who can destroy the world with one monologue! What a clever bastard that Bendis is! I never knew how much fun typing the word Bendis can be. Bendis Bendis Bendis! I'm still not buying any of Civil War, mind you. Unless one of those 492 issues involved is Black Bolt's Destructive Exposition Hulabaloo. That I would by three copies of, including the Mike Turner variant which is an anorexic Madusa in a bikini.

Read More

27 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that, given the lineup, rather than the "illuminati" they should be called the "patriarchy."

4/23/2006 10:02:00 PM  
Blogger Bully said...

I'm only buyin' The Illumnati if they let Doctor Doom be a member.

DOOM: Richards.
MR. FANTASTIC: Doom.
(They settle down into their chairs, uncomfortable silence)
DOOM: I WILL DESTROY YOU, RICHARDS!
MR. FANTASTIC: Not here, Victor. Sit down, Calm down.

4/23/2006 11:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Littleconvoy said...

Or, just for fun, they could invite the Red Skull.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Skull.
RED SKULL: Schwein, I vill hav mt vengeance!
IRON MAN: Excuse me, which Skull is this one?
RED SKULL: Ze dead one, you schnapps-swilling tinker toy!
IRON MAN: Yes, but are you the Russian guy or the Cosmic Cube guy, or are you the Italian version?
RED SKULL: Zat was only in zee movie!
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Oh, and Bucky says hi.

4/23/2006 11:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Zard said...

I'm still with you on sitting out for all of the Civil War garbage. And I say that in the most personally demeaning way you people who will buy Civil War can take it.

Also: send Venom to the moon and Blackbolt can do away with the symbiote once and for all.

4/24/2006 12:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Vasu said...

Well, presumably Xavier reads Black Bolt's mind and relays it to the others. Or did, until he disappeared.

4/24/2006 12:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

>>Well, presumably Xavier reads Black Bolt's mind and relays it to the others. Or did, until he disappeared<<

Sir, that makes such crystal-clear, impeccable sense that to have thought of it, you must be the biggest nerd in the world and I thus salute you as my king. Huzzah!

4/24/2006 12:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"How much of a bitch must it be to travel from the moon to their meetings?"

The big Inhuman dog-thing can teleport from the moon to the earth, I think. Black Bolt could hitch a ride.

4/24/2006 08:36:00 AM  
Anonymous SanctumSanctorumComix said...

Look.
I'm going to (try to) come clean.

YES. I'm going to buy Civil War.
(NOT the stupid tie-in mini-series' with War Reporters or whatnot).
And, YES, I bought Illuminati - even though it was drek.

My reason?

Doctor Strange is in this crossover.
That's it.

He's NEVER in big crossovers (House of M was a rarity), since he's too damn powerful for writers to know how to deal with him.
He's always "away" during these things.

I HAVE to get my STRANGE-fix wherever I can get it.
He has no ongoing title, and he is involved in this thing (supposedly - Y'know Supposedly and Supposably mean pretty much the same thing? That always drives me nuts.)

Anyway...
Bear in mind, that does NOT say I condone crap like this.
But, he's the only character I'll buy anything that he's in.

And Man-Thing. 2. Two characters that I'll buy ANYTHING that they're in (DOC, MAN-THING..and maybe Black Knight. 3!
THREE characters that I buy anything that they're in.
*What? I didn't expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition!*

Back to the point.
DOC is in it, so I must buy.

It is my shame. Look away!
So...Unclean.

~P~
P-TOR

Oh!
And Besides Lockjaw, the F.F. had this transport/doorway interface to the Moon. Black Bolt could have come over that way.

The F.F. would chuck Franklin thru it all the time so that the Inhumans could babysit.
Not like Black Bolt could ever say "NO."

Reed: "Hey, Bolt. While I save the Universe...again, why don't you play nursemaid to my snot-nosed brat kid. Not like YOU'RE going to be helping with the whole 'universe-saving thing'."

Black Bolt: "...."
*Thinks: "@#$^@%$%%$!!"*

Reed: "Thank you, Oh King of Attilan!"

Reed thinks: "heh heh...The universe is in no peril. I just need to have some "special time" with Sue. She's been begging for some 'Mr. Fanstastic'. heh heh"

-----------

Oh. And Prof X was to read their minds.
That was written into the story.
He "cleaned up" Black Bolt's filty tirades.

Reed: "So, we're all in agreement? Earth's hazardous waste can be dumped on the far side of the moon? Near Attilan's Summer Fun Theme Park?"

ALL: "Aye"

Reed" "Black Bolt?"

Black Bolt's tuning fork crackles to life with a dazzling shower of Kirby-Dots as he thinks: "By Grapthar's Hammer! NO @#$@%$&$*^&# way! %(*$^%**^#&!!!!"

Prof X: "He said 'Okey Dokey'."

Black Bolt: "..."

DOOM is right. That Richards is a dick.

4/24/2006 08:59:00 AM  
Blogger --Greg Hatcher said...

Sir, that makes such crystal-clear, impeccable sense that to have thought of it, you must be the biggest nerd in the world and I thus salute you as my king. Huzzah!

Well, let's be fair. For Brad to do the Black Bolt joke in the first place, and for all of us to riff on it and be snide about a book almost none of us have read (I haven't picked up ANY of these books and still, I have a pretty fair grasp of what you all are talking about with "Civil War") ... anyway, I'd say there's quite a few of us here that have got some serious nerd game.

God help us all.

4/24/2006 09:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Brian Mac said...

I've been reading a lot of old FF's lately, and frankly, I can't see why Black Bolt never learned sign language. I mean, interpreting through Medusa is all very well, but is Black Bolt too proud to learn to sign? Are the rest of the royal family too snotty to learn it? The dude is a king, you would think that some precision of language would be called for. Granted, it might be a bit tricky to sign "Maximus the Mad has used his transdimensional hypertron to escape his cell, and threatens to destroy the Great Refuge with his cyclomatic accelerator!" Worst-case scenario, he can always finger-spell. There's really no excuse for him to be unable to communicate like that.

4/24/2006 10:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Bill said...

Yeah, it makes total sense that in the year 2006, Blackbolt still wouldn't carry a frickin' notepad with him, or know sign language, or communicate using one of the MILLION technical devices that have been developed over the last few centuries. That would be waaaay too easy. Instead, let's have him just sit there and stare, imperially.

4/24/2006 04:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Bill said...

Okay, I swear on the eye of Agamatto that although the time stamp on my comment above says "4:11", I opened the comment when I first got in this morning, before I ever saw Brian Mac's post about sign language. Thus, it was he who copied me, through some sort of time manipulation or something, despite how late-to-the-party and unoriginal my own comments may appear! :) Stupid job that doesn't give me any time for commenting on comic blogs!

4/24/2006 04:17:00 PM  
Blogger plok said...

Actually, I think Black Bolt does use sign language, it's just that by our standards it's incredibly crappy sign language. Medusa must be the best at interpreting it, but all the other Inhumans seem to be able to extract quite a lot of information from stuff that just makes me go "wha...?" "Black Bolt's making the sign for attention! Now he's holding up one hand! He must mean that the Kree are about to send another attacking force, but this time it'll be coming from the south!" Crazy, but that's what they do.

4/24/2006 06:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Dizzy said...

I also need a Strange-fix. Luckily there is Dead Girl, which allows me to skip Civil War completely.

4/24/2006 07:33:00 PM  
Blogger Apodaca said...

Let us all be thankful for Dead Girl.

4/24/2006 09:50:00 PM  
Blogger kubiak said...

As a long time member of Bendis' message board I can attest to the fact that it is fun to type "Bendis" over and over again.

Bendis, Bendis, Bendis!

4/24/2006 10:35:00 PM  
Blogger T. said...

"Well, presumably Xavier reads Black Bolt's mind and relays it to the others. Or did, until he disappeared."

Although I agree that such a conclusion makes sense, the story shows otherwise. Professor X is never shown interpreting for Black Bolt, and we see Black Bolt trying to convey his thoughts through crude sign language. Stark even mentions once how he can't understand Black Bolt. So it's obvious they aren't using Prof. X or Bolt wouldn't need to use ANY crude sign language and Stark wouldn't lament about being unable to understand him.

That being said, it's shocking that so many geniuses and a magician can't be bothered to think of a way for him to communicate. Even a pen and paper? Anything?

4/25/2006 02:11:00 AM  
Blogger C.Brown said...

Why doesn't Black Bolt just use an electronic voicebox?

I don't know if his powers somehow revolve around magnetism (shame on me)
but it sounds like a decent answer to a complex problem.

that, and I would pay money to see it happen. It would be hilarious to see it be interpreted.

4/25/2006 11:29:00 AM  
Blogger Pope Impious XXIII said...

Hey, maybe Black Bolt could use some of that high-fallutin' Kirby tech to communicate.. or a pencil. I guess either one would work.

Hey, a laptop with a decent screen would probably work too, assuming his typing doesn't also cause world-shattering destruction.

And everyone knows that Willie Lumpkin is the actual head of the Illuminati, manipulating the Fanastic Four for years using noting more than a bumpkin smile and an endless supply of "you may already have won" junk mail.

4/25/2006 12:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Omar Karindu said...

We're all just tiptoeing around the sad but clear fact that, based on the evidence, Black Bolt is illiterate and thus cannot use a pad and paper. Or fingerspell correctly, for that matter.

Sigh...but now his secret shame is revealed....

4/25/2006 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Bully said...

That being said, it's shocking that so many geniuses and a magician can't be bothered to think of a way for him to communicate. Even a pen and paper? Anything?

It's obvious it's just another case of Whitey keepin' the Black Bolt down.

4/25/2006 02:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Vasu said...

>>Sir, that makes such crystal-clear, impeccable sense that to have thought of it, you must be the biggest nerd in the world and I thus salute you as my king. Huzzah!<<

Heh, not a sir, but...thanks? I guess?

Looked through the special again, and they do show Prof X interpreting for Black Bolt, right after T'Challa leaves. However, I'm now choosing to believe the "He says 'Okey-dokey'" scenario, just because it's much more entertaining that way.

4/26/2006 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger shoppingugg said...

one day i went shopping outside,and in an ed hardy store,I found some kinds of ed hardy i love most they are Your website is really good Thank you for the information Cheap Abercrombie clothing Cheap Abercrombie clothing discount Abercrombie clothing discount Abercrombie clothing Abercrombie clothing sale Abercrombie clothing sale buy Abercrombie clothing

1/30/2010 10:31:00 PM  
Blogger Hudson Daniel liam said...

I AM A FULL MEMBER OF ILLUMINATI, SO PROCEED IF YOU WANT TO JOIN NOW Email us (jointhebrotherhoodilluminati@gmail.com),Mr Daniel, I am glad today because am now a successful man of Illuminati, i have taught of been one of the Illuminati member so that i will be wealthy for life and my family will be forever rich. I get linked up by a man called Mr Anderson who introduce me to this agent who have a successful influence with this occult Illuminati, so he took me joining the team to their real powerful man in UK who was the head of all Illuminati member to help his cousin on belonging to the membership. All because of him he really did all for me, and now am so glad of becoming a Illuminati member, i am now rich and wealthy. Thank your Mr Anderson heats For your support. Illuminati is a great and powerful means to get popular in life. So if you really wants to be like me today email us:(jointhebrotherhoodilluminati@gmail.com

2/02/2016 02:57:00 AM  
Blogger Hudson Daniel liam said...

I AM A FULL MEMBER OF ILLUMINATI, SO PROCEED IF YOU WANT TO JOIN NOW Email us (jointhebrotherhoodilluminati@gmail.com),Mr Daniel, I am glad today because am now a successful man of Illuminati, i have taught of been one of the Illuminati member so that i will be wealthy for life and my family will be forever rich. I get linked up by a man called Mr Anderson who introduce me to this agent who have a successful influence with this occult Illuminati, so he took me joining the team to their real powerful man in UK who was the head of all Illuminati member to help his cousin on belonging to the membership. All because of him he really did all for me, and now am so glad of becoming a Illuminati member, i am now rich and wealthy. Thank your Mr Anderson heats For your support. Illuminati is a great and powerful means to get popular in life. So if you really wants to be like me today email us:(jointhebrotherhoodilluminati@gmail.com

2/02/2016 03:00:00 AM  
Blogger Joyce Benson said...

An amazing testimony by Mrs Joyce Benson, 'A few years back my life had no meaning, it was like i was struggling to exist but not for long. On my way home one evening i met a very successful friend of mine. We talked about so many things and i opened up to him on how my life was a constant bed of struggles. He told me he would help me. He told me all about the Illuminati and gave me an email address (worldofriches@gmail.com ) that i could use to contact them. I contacted the Illuminati immediately through the email address given to me by my friend. Membership was easy. After i requested for membership into the Illuminati through the above email address, i was initiated into the Illuminati. Three days after initiation, $9 000 000 was sent to my bank account by the Illuminati, i was asked what i wanted to do with my life and i said i wanted to go into construction business. The Illuminati guided me all the way and today my business is worth hundreds of millions of dollars I was a man who had nothing before but now i'm a man of wealth, fame and power. I oblige you to take this seriously and i assure you, you'll be glad you did. Contact (worldofriches@gmail.com ) so that you too can become all you've ever wanted.

4/01/2016 05:42:00 PM  
Blogger Zheng junxai5 said...

zhengjx20160723
tory burch shoes
cheap ray ban sunglasses
toms shoes outlet online
coach outlet store
nike store
oakley sunglasses wholesale
oakley outlet
nfl jerseys
coach factory outlet online
coach outlet online
coach outlet clearance
supra footwear
louis vuitton outlet stores
cheap basketball shoes
coach factory outlet online
gucci handbags
lebron james shoes 13
adidas yeezy
cheap jerseys
jordan retro 8
copy watches
louis vuitton outlet stores
air jordan 8
toms outlet
fitflop clearance
air max 95
coach outlet canada
jordan 3 powder blue
kate spade
louis vuitton outlet
fitflop shoes
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton bags
gucci outlet
mont blanc pen
louis vuitton handbags
burberry outlet online
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors handbags
celine handbags

7/22/2016 05:10:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home