Saturday, March 18, 2006

The Top Five Licensed/Biography/Non Fiction Comics That Could Save Comics

5. Stone Cold Steve Austin- He already had a comic, but it sucked. If I wrote it, it would be the most depressing comic ever. Stone Cold would sit around in his huge Texas ranch drinking beer all day, alone and unloved, a broken man, past his prime, living off a reputation he can no longer live up to. The only action scenes would be when he would open up a can of whoop ass on the odd Girl Scout or Jehova's Witness that got on his nerves, just to break out of the monotony. Maybe we would do flashbacks to his best matches. But mostly, utter soul crushing melancholy that would make Jimmy Corrigan look the Care Bears. No one would read it, but it would win 8 Pulitzer Prizes.

4. The Drunken Adventures of Paris and Nicole- I mean, sure, Star magazine is trashy shit, and it's the least bad tabloid. But they sell millions more copies than comics. I'm sure of it. You could totally sell a licensed comic about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's whoring and boozing at a grocery store. Its sales would make Hush like like a bigger pile of steaming shit than it already is.

3. Gizmo- My cat. He is the best cat ever. Do not argue this. It is true. I see a Garfield-level franchise, complete with a sweat shop and bad jokes about lasagna. But my cat is kind of hateful, so it would be a lot more mean spirited, so the kids would love it.

2. Dr. Wertham- Why has no one ever done a biography comic about Wertham? It is the perfect biography comic for comics. No one else outside of comics would read it, but he is our boogeyman! He wasn't apparently all that bad, but never mind that. 300 pages exacoriating him (or, doing an honest portrayl of him, whatever) would get you at least an Eisner.

1. The Most Dangerous Game Starring Dick Cheney at Abu Gharib before it closes- I'm not above a cheap shot, but come on, you know it's true. And would be fun to read. Especially if Ice Cube showed up.

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Anonymous thekamisama said...

I always thought they could improve those wrestling comics by making them like some japanese wrestling/fighting comics. these guys are already overblown and the format is already well tried in japan, almost to the point of cheesy artform...
seems like a perfect fit

3/19/2006 03:34:00 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

I actually had an idea that DC could do a series of real life adventure comics, about mountain climbers, deep sea divers, etc., Discovery Channel meets Danger Channel (they don't have that, but they should), stuff. They wouldn't even have to come up with a new title, since they already have "My Greatest Adventure."

3/19/2006 09:44:00 AM  
Blogger Brian Cronin said...

They don't have a Danger Channel!?!?!

3/19/2006 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger Apodaca said...

"They don't have a Danger Channel!?!?!"

They call it VH1.

3/19/2006 01:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Shrapnel said...

The Plot by Will Eisner

It's a good use of a graphic novel for a non-fiction work. Check it out. It's on The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion.

3/19/2006 03:17:00 PM  
Blogger Brad Curran said...

Yeah, sure, the Plot is great, but does it have Stone Cold Steve Austin moping or Dick Cheney shooting suspected members of Al Qaeda? It will be awhile before I read it, since I'm working my way very slowly through A Contract With God.

3/19/2006 04:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael -- that's a bloody brilliant idea! I'd read that comic in a minute, and give it to kids too!

Vaguely reminiscent of comics from the Fifties, and yet who's trying that now? Nobody. Again: brilliant, right down to the name.

3/20/2006 05:28:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a short strip about Wertham, done by Evan Dorkin in his Dork series.

I don't remember which issue.


3/20/2006 06:11:00 AM  
Blogger mapletree7 said...

4. The Drunken Adventures of Paris and Nicole


3/20/2006 06:45:00 PM  
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Blogger Angela Dixon said...

I really like your writing style. Such a nice Post, Can’t wait for the next one.

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