Thursday, July 14, 2005

Quick page-by-page review of Batman All-Stars #1

pin up shot of kid in spandex.
spandex action leading to 1/2 page pin up shot.
pin up shot of lingerie model.
shots of lingerie model using porn photo reference.
finger-sucking.
ass.
huge apartment for a journalist.
talking heads.
ass.
fetishwear montage.
cityscape and car.
talking heads.
more spandex action shots, very little background in evidence.
panel of talking heads.
pin up shot.
talking heads.
pin up shot.
headshots. literally. hoho.
pin up shot.
shots of anonymous nebbish running. falls over.
couple of headshots.
lingerie model fights with cop/pro-wrestler.
talking heads.
shots of cars.
'Sin City' riff with 'leaping limo' shot.
talking heads.
pin up shot of moon and bats.
pin up shot of car.
pin up shot.

Plus, a story I've read before, and better.
Well, THAT was certainly worth the wait.
Lee is a marginally more technically proficient draftsman, but seriously, this looked like something out of 'Youngblood: Strikefile'.
Miller looks like he was sleepwalking.

Rubbish.

19 Comments:

Blogger Paul said...

It was bad in that kind of "makes you do a double-take bad" way.

Did I really just read that?

Yes, yes I did.

And I wish I hadn't. That's five minutes I could've used poking myself with thumbtacks!

Truthfully, I suspected I wouldn't like it much if at all, but it's funny that I'm still surprised by just how bad it was.

7/14/2005 05:38:00 AM  
Blogger Pól Rua said...

I'm shocked. I don't like Jim Lee's art even a little bit these days, but I really expected both guys to think, "This is a new line. We're big shots. It's an ALL-NEW BATMAN#1, let's really WOW everyone! Let's redefine the character and really get to the essense of what makes him kick so much arse!"
But no... this is pedestrian, half-arsed stuff.

And yeah, I got that double-take. I finished the book and went, "huh?"
"What the fuck did I just read?"
Check the cover.
All-Star Batman and Robin #1.
Da fug?
What the fuck was THAT?

Here. Here's an exercise you can do with a volunteer. Sit your friend down and say, "We're going to watch this fantastic new Batman film."
Then, when he sits down, stick your finger up his ass.
When he jumps up clutching his bum, stick your hands in your pocket and say, "What did you think? Wasn't that a kickass film?"
And then walk away.
That's what reading ASB&R#1 is like.

Oh, and in this version, there's an insinuation that Batman may have had something to do with Dick's parents' death... and in this version, Dick's parents get shot instead of falling to their deaths.
Saved you $US 2.95.
You're welcome.

Now get that finger out of your ass.

7/14/2005 05:57:00 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

I really couldn't have said it better myself. I'm going to try, later on, but I will probably fail.

7/14/2005 10:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Martin said...

You forgot "Bizarre Alfred with dwarf body" on page 8.

7/14/2005 12:06:00 PM  
Blogger MarkAndrew said...

Thanks a LOT, guys. I was thiiiiisssss close to convincing myself that ASB&R was kind of good.
(Look! It has a cool title acronym. ASB&R! ASB&R!)

And y'all just totally shot that to hell.

(But the last page was pretty cool. You can't say the last page wasn't pretty cool.)

7/14/2005 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger Bill Reed said...

Ahh, good. I probably won't buy this then. The preview pages (and there are a lot of them) made it look a bit ridiculous, a self-parody of Miller's writing style, laced with dreadful dialogue and crappy art (I don't see the big deal about Jim Lee. Nice guy, has some good drawings, can't do much besides full-page spectacle splashes).

7/14/2005 12:50:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin Church said...

I'm pretty sure that the entire thing's Miller laughing and laughing and laughing.

You may or may not get the joke.

7/14/2005 01:32:00 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

MarkAndrew is alive!

Holy shit, I had the spookiest dream that he'd killed himself with pills.

Ignore those weird emails I sent you, MarkAndrew.

7/14/2005 03:18:00 PM  
Blogger Eliot Johnson said...

I read this, then I read the review at beaucoupkevin's site...I decided the book might be good superhero fun and worth a shot, until I remembered two words: Jim Lee.

7/14/2005 03:50:00 PM  
Blogger David Welsh said...

"You may or may not get the joke."

Or, alternately, may not find it funny.

7/14/2005 04:13:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin Church said...

I know I thought that ASBARTBW was a riot, but I think it's one of those things, like manga, that people have a certain taste for. I don't like "realistic" superhero stories that much and Miller seems to poke just the right buttons to make me not mind spending $2.00 or so (discounted, of course) to have a bit of a laugh and maybe some punching.

I'm just weird that way, though.

7/14/2005 04:50:00 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

"I'm pretty sure that the entire thing's Miller laughing and laughing and laughing.

You may or may not get the joke."

Actually, I totally agree with this.

But I got the joke when it was "Dark Knight Strikes Again." And I thought it was funny. And I thought, "Good for Miller." Honestly, I did. He got out a great big "EFF YOU" to all the dorks that misinterpreted the original and dragged comics down into the muck for 15+ years because of it.

So I enjoyed DK2, but I thought he got that sentiment out of his system.

And maybe he did. But this certainly felt like an eff you to me, a fan of his who expected an actual story. Even DK2 had an actual story. This...this is hardly a story.

And, no, I most certainly don't want "overwrought, dead serious adventures of a guy who dresses like a giant bat." Not in the slightest.

But neither do I want something this mindless.

If I did, I would've read my wife's old copies of "Danger Girl" by this point.

Oh, Jackie...how could you?

7/14/2005 06:21:00 PM  
Blogger Domenick Bartuccio said...

I have yet to read ASB&R.

I hate it already.

7/15/2005 12:01:00 AM  
Blogger Tom Foss said...

I actually like Jim Lee's art, and I liked Batman: Year One and DKR. I was totally psyched for this.

Then Vicki Vale's wedgie takes center stage.

I though All-Star was supposed to be all-ages. I guess it's just all-horny-teenagers.

7/15/2005 01:42:00 AM  
Blogger Chad said...

"I have yet to read ASB&R.

I hate it already."

That is one of the saddest things I've ever read.

I ahven't read it yet either. But I'm actually looking forward to reading it now. Mostly because I tend to like things that everyone in the knonw universe hates. And hate things that everyone in the known universe loves.

it's only a matter of time before Cronin realizes I'm the bad egg in the Croninborg basket. :)

7/15/2005 07:23:00 AM  
Blogger Brad Curran said...

"it's only a matter of time before Cronin realizes I'm the bad egg in the Croninborg basket. :)"

I'm pretty sure he figured that one out after the we3 review and is leaving you unassimilated just for shits and giggles.

7/15/2005 12:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Here. Here's an exercise you can do with a volunteer. Sit your friend down and say, "We're going to watch this fantastic new Batman film."
Then, when he sits down, stick your finger up his ass.
When he jumps up clutching his bum, stick your hands in your pocket and say, "What did you think? Wasn't that a kickass film?"
And then walk away.
That's what reading ASB&R#1 is like."

I can't stop laughing. So that's what feeling was...

Surprisingly accurate page-by-page recap, too.

7/15/2005 01:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Dan Coyle said...

www.beckerfilms.com/spielberg

The first paragraph on this page sums up very succicntly All Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder.

7/16/2005 12:53:00 AM  
Blogger Tadhg said...

I will like All-Star Batman and Robin. I read the first issue and while I did not like the first issue, I am fairly certain that I will enjoy the series as a whole. All it did was reaffirm my belief that reading comics monthly is pointless today.

7/23/2005 08:20:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home